This is Your Time and Season! Part 2

     

D God Purifies

Everything that may abide the fire, ye shall make it got through the fire, and it shall be clean: nevertheless it shall be purified with the water of separation: and all that abides not the fire ye shall make go through the water. [Num31:23]

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you: when you walk through the fire, ye shall not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.  [Is 43:2]

And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on My name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is My people: and they shall say, The LORD is My God. [Zec 13:9]

God Exhorts

A couple of years ago, the Lord had given me a word. These are the parts that He drew my attention to. (Yes, I am paying attention too. It is impossible for me to remember every message the Lord gave or everything I’ve written. I am right alongside the reader here, paying heed to what He is saying in this hour.)

For God speaks once, yea twice, but man perceives it not.  [Job 33:14]

Excerpts:

 

Yet, even in God’s judgment, He shows grace and mercy. If I have said it once, I have said it too many times to count, and that is that with just one word, one order, God our Creator, the Great Spirit Chief [great Commander-in-Chief] could wipe every thing and every one out and begin again.

Indeed, He had a better plan right from the beginning, one that includes grace and mercy, but also judgment and justice. If Adam and Eve chose to disobey when tempted (tested/tried), then the Creator would initiate His plan of salvation.

The purpose of judgment is to cause people to see the wickedness of their sins, to bring them to repentance (broken and contrite over their own sins), and to confess, pray, and cry out in godly sorrow unto repentance to the Creator, asking for forgiveness.[2 Pet 3:9]

With my soul have I desired You in the night; yea, with my spirit within me will I seek You early: for when Your judgments are in the earth, the inhabitants of the world will learn righteousness.  [Is 26:9]

To fear God is to possess enough knowledge and understanding to tremble at His glory, His holiness, His purity, His power, His sustaining divine Providence, and His Sovereignty, over all creation. To fear God enables us to allow His Holy Spirit in us to empower us to walk by faith and not by sight, and to learn how to overcome our sinful nature. This healthy fear of the Lord provides the willingness to resist temptation.

 

 

The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom; and before honour is humility. [Prov 15:33]

To multitudes of people who are spiritually blind, deaf, and deceived, evil is good, and good is evil. This deception has caused many to already fall away, but even more will fall away (as Jesus/Y’shua forewarned). Unless they seek truth and repent; they will become apostate and worse yet, reprobate.

Yet, some who are lost now will be saved. Many prodigals are returning!  Many who are lukewarm will become cold, yet some shall repent and become hot (on fire) for the Lord! Hallelujah! The Lamb is worthy! We know who has the victory in the end, for the created can never take the place of the Creator! (Lucifer/Satan and all the angels are also created beings!) SELAH

Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts; And saying, where is the promise of His coming? For since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation. For this they willingly are ignorant […] [2Pet 3:3-5]

The Lord gave me this message:

 

To the disobedient, I say to you to change your mind; repent whilst there is still time, for My time is at hand. Die to self. Repent of the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life. 

Lay down your physical needs and desires, the pleasantries that attract and seduce you, and the foolish pride that makes you think that you are cunningly wise and knowledgeable. Repent so that you may be forgiven and I will show grace and mercy towards you.

And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God has said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. 

 

Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, says the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,

And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.  [2Cor 6:16-18]

A clash of the kingdoms also pertains to a clash within the Body of Christ – a clash between the false (counterfeit) and the true. God has drawn a dividing line, separating the holy from the profane; the clean from the unclean. He is dividing sheep from “sheep” and yes, we know He shall divide the sheep from the goats.

Has not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour? [Rom 9:21]

But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and earth; and some to honour and some to dishonor. If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work. [2Tim 2:21]

Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart. [2 Tim 2:19-22]

  But He gives more grace. Wherefore He says, God resists the proud, but gives grace unto the humble. Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double-minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up.  [Jam.4:6-10]

                     

                                  

 

Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord; [Act 3:19]  

God is Longsuffering (Patient)

Way back in 1998, the Lord gave me a song, but at that time I was not saved. I had been recently delivered of legion, yet still, I was not committed, but rather, still deciding whether to follow Jesus.

I knew it was God because there was no way I knew scriptures at that time; the gospel was still hid from me (no understanding).

So, I hurriedly grabbed a pen and paper before I forgot the words in the dream (and there is no doubt that the Holy Spirit brought the entire song back to remembrance – singing it!). I  listened carefully as I slowly wrote it all down, not wanting to mess up any part.

Anyway, this was the first song God sang to me – a prophetic song. It had been that as I awoke, I still heard the melody in my ears. It would be a long while yet before I understood what He was saying, or rather, the meaning of what He was saying.

Give Me the Glory (April 11, 1998) 7:48 am

Peace, be still - the waters are high!
Peace, be still - you're questioning why?
Peace, be still - the Lord hears your cries
Peace, be still - the storm passes by!

Give Me the glory; o please, trust in Me!
Give Me the glory; o please, trust in Me!
I know...the pain, yes I know.

I was there in the garden. I was there all alone...
I was there in the garden. I was there all alone...
I was in anguish; I was in great travail!
I sweated drops of blood...

I didn't want to do it - no, I didn't want to do it...
My flesh didn't want to do it...
So I cried...

Father, take this bitter cup - o Father, take this bitter cup...
O Father, if it be possible take this bitter cup from Me...

[Mat 26:39]
O Father...

I didn't want to do it - no, I didn't want to do it...
My flesh didn't want to do it...
So I prayed...

Howbeit not My will, howbeit not My will...
But Thy will be done...
O Father...

I didn't want to do it - no, I didn't want to do it...
My flesh didn't want to do it...
But I did!!

I hung upon that cross; My heart was wretched in two...
And My flesh groaned under the weight of great sin...
And I died... spilling My very Blood and water upon the
ground...

My spilled blood was not for nothing!
For there lies the victory!
But joy! I'm alive!
But rejoice I live you see!
The cross was not for nothing,
My Blood is your victory! Sweet victory!

Be patient, My child. It hurts, O I know!
I'm a man acquainted with sorrows; I bore your griefs.
By My stripes you are healed; by My Blood you are saved!

[Is 53:3;5]
The enemy's defeated for I have risen from the grave!

So give Me your sorrows and give Me your griefs.
For lo! I do tell thee, you have the victory!
Be patient, My child...peace o peace, be still!

Give Me the glory, o please, trust in Me!
Give Me the glory, o please, trust in Me!

Patience, it's birthing. Patience, can't you see?
Patience, I am here. I know it is hard...
Patience, it is done in the spiritual...
Now, now, now it manifests...o trust your God!
Victory is sure; the work is done.

Have I not always called those things which are not, as though they were? [Rom4:17]

For to Me, they already are and already have been.
I know the end result from the beginning...

Be still and know that I am God...I will be exalted among the heathen; I will be exalted in all the earth. [Ps 46:10]

Peace, be still - the waters are high!
Peace, be still - you're questioning why?
Peace, be still - the Lord hears your cries.
Peace, be still - the storm passes by.

Selah  [End of first song]

 

 

For I, the Lord God arise and let My enemies be scattered!  †

There was only one other song that the Lord ever sung to me. It was one morning in March of 1999. Again, I awoke with the song still playing in my mind and yet again, the Holy Spirit brought it all to my remembrance.  

I was aware of the story of Peter by that time, but what I did not realize was that it was a prophetic song. It also came in a dream, and I awoke with the melody still in my mind. It was just weeks before the return of my children, which would mark the end of a custody that had just begun the seventh year.

There was a great shaking coming for myself, and ultimately three children, ages 8-14 years old. The song would pertain to that time period, but also to this time period, sixteen and a half years after the dream. 

(The song was sung in a dream in 1999 [first song was in 1998]. It is now 2015). Nor can I say that I fully understood until this past week. I keep learning and discovering things as I go along in this walk.

Peter and Andrew were both called to forsake their nets and follow Jesus when He called them; they did. Yes, Peter was called to be an apostle, loved the Lord Jesus, ate with Him, walked with Him, and was part of an inner circle along with James and John, yet he still needed to be converted.

A person who is truly saved will not deny Christ as their Lord, yet Peter would become well known for denying Jesus three times (more on that later).

Here is the second and only other song the Lord has sung to me in a dream to date (2015), which, once again (back then) was written down soon upon awakening, whilst the dream was still fresh upon my mind. I neglected to write the day or the hour, only the month and year. I do not think it matters.  

Please do keep in mind that Peter had been forewarned (prophetically) by Jesus (Yeshua) what would transpire (his sifting by Satan, Jesus’ prayer for him, his need for conversion, plus a call to be of service to the brethren), but like me, Peter did not understand fully at the time.

My last name (birth name) is Bulgarian and literally translates to mean, ‘son of Peter’ (Petroff).  Coincidence? I think not!

 

Sifted Like Wheat 

Simon, Simon, Satan has desired... he has asked
... to sift you like wheat
... to sift you like wheat ... (all of you)
... to sift you like wheat

But I have pleaded to the Father
That your faith
... not fail you
... not fail you ... (all of you)
... not fail you

So, be converted, that is repent and
... turn again
... turn again ... (all of you)
... turn again

Then go and strengthen; that is encourage
... your brethren
... your brethren ... (all of you)
... your brethren

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! GLORY! Hallelujah!

So, are you feeling, like My Simon?
... sifted like wheat
... sifted like wheat

Are you feeling, like My Peter?
... I know you do
... I know you do

Let them laugh ... but be encouraged
... they laughed at Me
... they laughed at Me

Be converted, that is repent and turn again
... turn again
Be encouraged, your faith won't fail you
... won't fail you

For I have pleaded to the Father that your faith
... won't fail you
... won't fail you

Be encouraged! Lo, I'm coming!
Time is short! Time is short!

Lo, I'm coming; HEAR My armies. Time is short
... so very short
Lo, I'm coming; HEAR My armies. Time is short
... so very short

Be converted, that is REPENT, and turn again
... turn again
Then go and strengthen, that is encourage
... your brethren
... your brethren

So if you're feeling like My Simon
... sifted like wheat
... sifted like wheat

So if you're feeling like My Peter
... sifted like wheat
... sifted like wheat

I say give glory to the Father for
... you ARE wheat
... YOU ARE WHEAT!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! GLORY! Hallelujah!

Love,
Your RISEN CHRIST †

Remorse or Repentance

What was the difference between Judas and Simon? Both had sinned against Jesus/Yeshua. Judas had betrayed Jesus for thirty pieces of silver, yet Peter denied Yeshua as his Lord three times. Their sin confronted both of them. 

However, Judas felt remorse (guilt) but he did not return and repent to Jesus. Peter wept bitterly - godly sorrow consumed him; his heart (spirit) was broken. He followed Jesus in the shadows to see what was happening to him.

The words of Jesus reverberated in his mind. His spirit was crushed at the thought of betraying the teacher (Rabbi) he loved so dearly. He would never be the same again. Jesus' eyes had met Peter's eyes. It was almost more than Peter could bear. How he loved the Son of God.

Judas Iscariot

Then Judas, which had betrayed him, when he saw that he was condemned, repented himself, and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, 

 

Saying, I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood. And they said, What is that to us? see you to that.  And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself. [Mat 27:3-5]

Jesus’ Prophetic Word

Jesus answered them, Have not I chosen you twelve, and one of you is a devil? He spake of Judas Iscariot the son of Simon (Simon Iscariot): for he it was that should betray Him, being one of the twelve. [Jn 6:70, 71]

Some would read the above and think that Judas repented (or that he tried to by returning thirty pieces of silver), but that would be inaccurate.

Strong’s Concordance: metamelomai – μεταμέλομαι

(lit: I change one care or interest for another), I change my mind(generally for the better), repent, regret -  /metá “change after being with,”  /mélō, “care, be concerned with”) – properly, to experience a change of concern after a change of emotion and usually implying to regret, i.e. falling into emotional remorse afterwards (note the force of 3326 /metá). 

[(metameliomai) in the papyri: – also means “regret” and for example is used of a thief, “Otherwise you will have reason to be sorry for it.” (MM, 403).]

There is no mention that Judas wept at all, but the Greek word used implies rather that he felt an “emotional remorse” afterward, or “regret” that a thief would feel (when caught). 

Jesus himself had prophesied and indicated not only the condition of Judas’ heart, but who he was (a devil); knowing that Judas would not go to Him in repentance for the sin of betrayal.

 

 Simon Peter

 

And the Lord turned, and looked upon Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.  And Peter went out, and wept bitterly. [Lk 22:61, 62]

Jesus’ Prophetic Word

Yeshua (Jesus) forewarned Peter for He knew the heart and character of Peter, in that after he sinned (denial of Christ three times), he would genuinely sorrow and repent, so that he could be saved.

And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for you, that thy faith fail not: and when you are converted, strengthen thy brethren.

And he said unto Him, Lord, I am ready to go with you, both into prison, and to death. And He said, I tell thee, Peter, the cock shall not crow this day, before that you shall thrice deny that you know Me.  [Lk 22:31-34]

 

 

 

The word ‘converted’ that Jesus used for Peter has a different meaning in the Greek/Hebrew.

Strong’s Concordance: epistrophé ἐπιστροφή

--a turning to God, a turning about, conversion (conversion, reversion, i.e. morally, revolution—conversion)

My Failure and Denial of Christ

In my bondage to cigarettes, and in every effort to quit, like Peter, I (“son of Peter”) failed the Lord – yet not in three times as Peter, but in seventy-times seven (seemingly, over the years). 

It has not been a refusal to obey because each time I did quit cold turkey and went without, but strong physical withdrawals, combined with fear and unbelief [as Peter suffered] also hindered me each time I quit – each time, due to the ‘pressure’ (stress) of the circumstances (as Peter), I failed.

How did my faith fall short so that ultimately I would deny Christ, evidenced by failure to overcome? Despite my confidence that I would not fail when sifted like wheat, the prophetic word (song) that the Lord gave me in ’99 came to pass, just as the Lord’s warning to Peter came to pass for him.

And like Peter, when I knew the Lord wanted me to quit, I was confident that I would not fail Him.  And he (Peter) said unto Him, Lord, I am ready to go with You, both into prison, and to death. [Lk 22:33]

How many of us deny Jesus Christ by our actions, despite our confidence that our faith will see us through? 

 

 

Marcus Dods, a Scottish theologian, biblical scholar, and minister (1834-1909) spoke of Peter in words that I think many of us can personally relate to; but if not you, then I myself can surely relate. Below are a couple of excerpts from the piece.

 

[Excerpt]

Frequently we learn by a very painful experience that our best qualities are tainted, and that actual disaster has entered our life from the very quarter we least suspected.  We may be conscious that the deepest mark has been made on our life by a sin apparently as alien to our character as cowardice and lying were to the too venturesome and outspoken character of Peter.

Possibly we once prided ourselves on our honesty, and felt happy in our upright character, plain-dealing, and direct speech; but to our dismay, we have been betrayed into double-dealing, equivocation, evasive or even fraudulent conduct.

[…] Or we are by nature of a cool temperament, and judged ourselves safe at least from the faults of impulse and passion; yet the mastering combination of circumstances came, and we spoke the word, or wrote the letter, or did the deed which broke our life past mending.

Now, it was Peter's salvation, and it will be ours, when overtaken in this unsuspected sin, to go out and weep bitterly. He did not frivolously count it an accident that could never occur again; he did not sullenly curse the circumstances that had betrayed and shamed him.

He recognized that there was that in him which could render useless his best natural qualities, and that the sinfulness which could make his strongest natural defences brittle as an egg-shell [sic] must be serious indeed. He had no choice but to be humbled before the eye of the Lord.

There was no need of words to explain and enforce his guilt: the eye can express what the tongue cannot utter. The finer, tenderer, deeper feelings are left to the eye to express. The clear cock-crow strikes home to his conscience, telling him that the very sin he had an hour or two ago judged impossible is now actually committed.

That brief space his Lord had named as sufficient to test his fidelity is gone, and the sound that strikes the hour rings with condemnation. Nature goes on in her accustomed, inexorable, unsympathetic round; but he is a fallen man, convicted in his own conscience of empty vanity, of cowardice, of heartlessness.

He who in his own eyes was so much better than the rest had fallen lower than all. In the look of Christ Peter sees the reproachful loving tenderness of a wounded spirit, and understands the dimensions of his sin. That he, the most intimate disciple, should have added to the bitterness of that hour, should not only have failed to help his Lord, but should actually at the crisis of His fate have added the bitterest drop to His cup, was humbling indeed. 

There was that in Christ's look that made him feel the enormity of his guilt; there was that also that softened him and saved him from sullen despair.

And it is obvious that if we are to rise clear above the sin that has betrayed us we can do so only by as lowly a penitence. We are all alike in this: that we have fallen; we cannot any more with justice think highly of ourselves; we have sinned and are disgraced in our own eyes.

In this, I say, we are all alike; that which makes the difference among us is how we deal with ourselves and our circumstances in connection with our sin. It has been very well said by a keen observer of human nature that "men and women are often more fairly judged by the way in which they bear the burden of their own deeds, the fashion in which they carry themselves in their entanglements, than by the prime act which laid the burden on their lives and made the entanglement fast knotted. The deeper part of us shows in the manner of accepting consequences."

The reason of this is that, like Peter, we are often betrayed by a weakness; the part of our nature which is least able to face difficulty is assaulted by a combination of circumstances which may never again occur in our life. There was guilt, great guilt it may be, concerned in our fall, but it was not deliberate, willful wickedness.

But in our dealing with our sin and its consequences our whole nature is concerned and searched; the real bent and strength of our will is tried. We are therefore in a crisis, the crisis, of our life. Can we accept the situation? Can we humbly, frankly own that, since that evil has appeared in our life, it must have been, however unconsciously, in ourselves first? 

 

 

 

Can we with the genuine manliness and wisdom of a broken heart say to ourselves and to God, Yes, it is true I am the wretched, pitiful, bad-hearted creature that was capable of doing, and did that thing? I did not think that was my character; I did not think it was in me to sink so very low; but now I see what I am. Do we thus, like Peter, go out and weep bitterly?

Everyone who has passed through a time such as this single night was to Peter knows the strain that is laid upon the soul, and how very hard it is to yield utterly.  So much rises up in self-defence; so much strength is lost by the mere perplexity and confusion of the thing; so much is lost in the despondency that follows these sad revelations of our deep-seated evil.

What is the use, we think, of striving, if even in the point in which I thought myself most secure I have fallen? What is the meaning of so perplexed and deceiving a warfare? Why was I exposed to so fatal an influence? So Peter, had he taken the wrong direction, might have resented the whole course of the temptation, and might have said, Why did Christ not warn me by His look before I sinned, instead of breaking me by it after?

Why had I no inkling of the enormity of the sin before as I have after the sin? My reputation now is gone among the disciples; I may as well go back to my old obscure life and forget all about these perplexing scenes and strange spiritualities.

But Peter, though he was cowed by a maid, was man enough and Christian enough to reject such falsities and subterfuges. It is true we did not see the enormity, never do see the enormity, of the sin until it is committed; but is it possible it can be otherwise?

Is not this the way in which a blunt conscience is educated? Nothing seems so bad until it finds place in our own life and haunts us. Neither need we despond or sour because we are disgraced in our own eyes, or even in the eyes of others; for we are hereby summoned to build for ourselves a new and different reputation with God and our own consciences -- a reputation founded on a basis of reality and not of seeming.  Marcus Dods sermon

[End excerpt]

As the Master, So the Servant

In the song the Lord gave me in early 1998, He used himself as an example for what He expected me to do. Truly, in those days, I knew nothing about dying to self.  I simply believed that Jesus/Yeshua was revealing to me what He went through in the Garden of Gethsemane.

I understood His personal struggle emotionally in overcoming His flesh in order to submit to the Father’s will; His anguish in knowing what He had to suffer, but also the victory and reward that awaited obedience.

(In retrospect, there is absolutely NO comparison in Jesus' struggle with flesh and my struggle. He was sinless, yet was aware of the torture he was to endure (beatings, beard ripped out, crown of thorns, punched, spit up), and merciless scourging (Roman flagrum [flagellum] with sharp bits of stone, metal, and bone).

Then there was the savage crucifixion, nailed to a tree with huge spikes. Imagine, spiritually bearing the weight of sins of every person who ever lived.

Jesus came to save us from our sins, which have consequences. We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. I certainly have, just as we all have. There is no comparison between a sinner and the Saviour, who is perfect in all.

The prophetic word at the end of the song was two-fold (then and now), but I had no way of knowing that at the time. 

Patience, it's birthing. Patience, can't you see?
Patience, I am here. I know it is hard...
Patience, it is done in the spiritual...
Now, now, now it manifests...o trust your God!
Victory is sure; the work is done.

Have I not always called those things which are not, as though they were? For to Me, they already are and already have been.  I know the end result from the beginning... [message of the Lord]

I repeat the following because losing my children in 1993 after ending up in the hospital after a night of abuse from my husband caused me to turn to God because there was nowhere else to turn. 

I desperately cried out again to Jesus, not knowing if He would have anything to do with me after I rejected Him nearly 10 years previously. I tried to attend church, but my heart was not truly in it. 

How could I trust Christians? They were too judgmental; turned on you in a heartbeat, accusing you of strange things. I knew that was not a fair assessment. I was going by one pastor at a Word of Faith church who considered I was demon-possessed when I showed up after church hours. 

I was banged up (bruised and cut from being beaten by my boyfriend). It was my hope to get comfort, understanding, and some kind of direction, but instead, the pastor came rushing into the sanctuary from a side door.

Without a single word, he speedily came over to me and grabbed me by the arm. I ran alongside him on tippy-toes just trying to keep up. And still, without speaking a word, he tossed me out of the church. I had no clue why at the time, but I found out later that he 'wanted no demons in his church'.

Thirteen long years had passed (13 - the number for rebellion [Gen 14:4]). I was hoping if God saw me in church, He would return my children. The courts would see I was a 'good' parent, and return the little ones back to their mother. 

My motives were all wrong. My head, my heart, and my soul were messed up. I did not know what to do, who to trust, or where to turn. The doctor had me on so many pills, I could not think straight. 

It would be 11 years, and 34-36 pills/day before I would find out that I had been misdiagnosed. Those facts always made me think of King Nebuchadnezzar. His pride and arrogance brought judgment. For seven years, the king was like a madman, an animal before he was restored and his wits returned to him. 

People did begin praying at the church I visited inconsistently. They had become familiar with me and had even met my children when they came on access. But as year after year passed,(as well as with my irregular, unpredictable attendance, the prayers from others dwindled down.

By the fifth and sixth years, only one person remained praying with me for the return of my children. The rest did not believe that the courts would return the children to me after all those years had passed. 

There was no faith in me or in my case. People said were truthful, but not helpful when they declared that the courts did not like to shuffle children from home to home unless harm might come to them.

Two weeks after the Lord gave me that second song, "Sifted Like Wheat", my children were returned to me, after nearly seven long and dramatic years in a custody [and a spiritual] battle.  

I had promised the Lord that I would give Him the glory in the congregation when He returned the children. After reading one of the Psalms one time, I made a promise to God that I too would praise Him when He returned the children to me.

I will give You thanks in the great congregation: I will praise You among many people. [Ps 35:18]

Yes, I had moments of doubt, but I would not let the doubt take root - but seven years seemed so long, and the children were growing. Yet, I remembered my promise. I thought there would be great rejoicing when I stood up and happily stated that the children were in my custody - God had returned them. 

I expected 'whoops' and 'shouts' and clapping, I mean, everyone had thought after seven years, the children were remaining with their father. It was a miracle; it was God's doing! There were a few smiles, and a couple of "praise the Lord" remarks [one being the pastor, who glibly added in a dull monotone, "God is good"].

My joy was robbed. My heart sank. I was flabbergasted that no one saw it for the miracle it truly was and that God had indeed kept His promise to a wretch such as me. No one -- except Marguerite, the only one who had remained praying with me through the years.

Now another time is upon me (and you, the reader, as well).

Then Jesus said unto His disciples, If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. [Mat 16:24]

I have confessed my sin openly on the world wide web, before friends and foe alike; before brethren and those not of the faith alike about cigarettes, but later, also about a boyfriend who did visit me at times. I also mentioned how I had failed God when in the United States.

I lived alone in a one-bedroom house, but a friend that I met sometimes came to see me. At one time, he had convinced me of marriage, that is "spiritual marriage".  And like a fool, I told a few Christians I was married, well, more than a few I reckon. I announced it briefly on BlogTalk radio. 

Now, one man, a preacher who communicated off and on with me for perhaps a few months? (I am truly not sure how long, but not long - 6 months? give or take). He really did not know me, but he gladly called me a whore, an adulteress.

But the Word of God clearly justifies me. My ex-husband divorced me. I did not divorce him, despite the beatings over the years, and other women. He was living with another woman when he divorced me and had been for nearly a year. 

We had been separated for two years and a half years by the time the final papers came through. When he divorced me I was living with a married couple on the praise team from the church, who rented a room to me, and provided a spare room for my children when they visited on access.

Later on, it was established in a court of law how my then-husband (at the time) had further sinned by betraying and sexually assaulting an innocent, young female family member. He broke the marriage vow more than once, and according to Matthew 19:9, I am free.  

The preacher did not know the whole story because he did not know me well. Yes, I sinned, but as a fornicator, not as an adulteress (and I am NOT proud of it). I was not married but divorced when I fell into sin.

Please do not misunderstand me. I am not justifying my sin, but I truly humbled myself, confessed my sins, and repented to God. [2Chron 7:14, 15]  I have since recommitted my life to Jesus. I had only been off 34-36 pills/day (after an 11-year medical journey) for a little over three and a half years when I went to the United States. 

It had only been three years since I gave my life to the Lord. Ask any doctor (and this is NOT an excuse for my sinning, there is NO excuse); one cannot be on such heavy doses of medication for 11 years and expect to have all the neurotransmitters, learned behaviour, etc. all back to normal in just three years.

Yes, Jesus/Yeshua can heal, absolutely! But it was only four years before that also, that I almost died from what a nurse called "serotonin poisoning", which is serotonin syndrome (toxicity). The doctor had given me a cocktail of prescription drugs that caused a reaction. He had increased a prescription that contained serotonin, but also introduced a couple of new drugs with serotonin.

I nearly died and cannot recall all that happened. Fragments of info that I have were gathered from my eldest daughter who was 18 years old and working at the time. She stepped in to help with the other two who were 12 and 14 at the time. All drugs were halted when I was hospitalized, and closely monitored - no visitors.

Anyway, the Lord got me through it, but I was still trying to get back to normal mentally two years later because now this doctor had me on so many meds. These were introduced slowly and built up over the 11 years.

 

Meanwhile, back to what I was saying and that is what I have always said, which is, sin is sin. We are told to flee fornication. It matters not if it happened two times in a year, or if it was every day, which it was not - the former is the reality.

But again, I speak plainly. Ladies, fornication is fornication; sin is sin. We are told to flee fornication because it is the one sin that we do against our own bodies [1Cor 6:16], and it must be put away, a change of heart must happen. Fornicators will NOT make it into heaven. [Rev 21:8] Do not be deceived. 

My point is how the preacher put me as the one who broke the marriage vow when I did not. I was divorced. I was in sin, but as a divorced woman, not as a married woman.

Yes. I had to repent of any and all sins I committed, whether fornication, lying, drinking, smoking...all of it. I had to confess to God, and seriously choose to turn from my sins. We can fool others, but we cannot fool God.

I wonder if that preacher treats all people who fell into sin that way. I know he does not because he has an online ministry. Condemning people, calling people names to match their sin (drunkard, thief, fornicator, adulteress...you catch my drift), or is that only with people he disliked, or unknown people? 

I do not understand, but I had to work through and forgive him. And I truly hope he sees the pain he caused and repents to Jesus. 

All I could do was pray, forgive him, and ask the Lord to forgive him...and leave it there. But now it is between him and Yeshua. 

It was a few years ago now. Time to let it go. Friends, we MUST forgive those who come against us, and treat us poorly if we are to be forgiven. [Mat 6:14]

If we confess our sins, He is just and faithful to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness. [1Jn 1:19] He will do a work in us. He will correct us, chasten us out of agape love, but He will not forsake us. 

God is gracious and merciful, but He is also just in His judgment. He shows mercy even in judgment. My repentance is true, just as Peter’s was and my sorrow and pain as deep.

Yet there is more to confess, sadly, which I think I knew deep down inside, but it became profusely clear as I did wrote this article. Fear and unbelief! As I myself have tirelessly stated over the past years, fear opposes faith.

Fear of failure, fear of withdrawals (dying to self – flesh never wants to die); fear of what is coming, yes – fear was hindering me. Unbelief rides in the shadow of fear. I listened to the voice of my enemy, as well as my sinful nature.

It was an old, familiar line, first spoken long ago to yet another woman.

 

 

 

“Has God said…? Surely you will not die!”  

The voice belongs to the liar [the father of lies], the deceiver. Doubt is the seed of the fruit of unbelief.   

“You cannot do this. You do not know how to rest in God’s love; you lack faith!”  When one feeds a hungry ‘wolf’, that wolf becomes stronger. 

I know to speak the Word – it is my sword; a vital part of God’s armour. I do not mean to speak it like the prosperity preachers/teachers do. But read scripture out loud. Stand on scripture such as, "What shall we say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against?" [Rom 8:31] 

Or, "I am more than a conqueror through Him who loved us." [Rom 8:37] Without it, I cannot fight the enemy. What good is a sharp sword in battle if one does not pick it up? Yea, and that sword must be sharp and is only sharpened by the reading of God’s word. Therefore, laziness too must be confessed. 

Knowing what to do and failing to do it is nothing but laziness (inertia, passivity). To have faith in Christ Jesus (Yeshua), one must trust and obey. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the WORD of GOD. [Rom 10:17]

Being over-analytical is one of my quirks. About four to six weeks ago (uncertain exactly), a sister in Christ who knew of my struggle, counseled me to quit trying to overcome [cigarettes] in my own strength and rest in Christ. I thought that was spot-on advice.

Then Ms Analytical took over…how do I rest in Christ? Am I not to overcome or am I to just think Jesus will do all the work? I became like the little engine who could in one sense, yet became the little engine who couldn’t. Why?

“I think I can…I think I can…I think I can…I think I can!”  Huffing and puffing, getting myself all worked up, becoming anxious (which means not trusting in the love of Jesus, or His power to help), entertaining thoughts of doubt and unbelief.  

No wonder I could not overcome because there was no resting in Christ; no peace, no trust, no faith, only angst and panic… focusing on the withdrawals, the dying flesh, the stressful circumstances in my life, everything...except Jesus.

“What if I have believed a lie?  What if I did not hear from God? What if I am deceived? What if (stressful situation) never is resolved?  Has God said?...” on and on and on the foolish thoughts raced by. It is enough to drive one crazy.

So, how do I rest in Christ Jesus (Yeshua Messiah)?  I realize that I am about to give several scriptures, but the Lord is showing the WAY to rest and overcome.

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; [2Cor 10:5]

Be careful (anxious) for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. [Phil 4:6]

For thus saith the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength: and ye would not.

 

But ye said, No; for we will flee upon horses; therefore shall ye flee: and, We will ride upon the swift; therefore shall they that pursue you be swift.

(I had my own ideas about how to overcome)

One thousand shall flee at the rebuke of one; at the rebuke of five shall ye flee: till ye be left as a beacon upon the top of a mountain, and as an ensign on an hill. [Is 30:15] (Forgive me, Lord for my own ideas and for not rebuking flesh or Satan)

Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the ancient paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. But they said, We will not walk therein.

Also I set watchmen over you, saying, Hearken to the sound of the trumpet. But they said, We will not hearken. [Jer 6:16, 17]

Come unto Me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. [Mat 11:28- 30]

If My people, which are called by My name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. [2Chron7:14]

Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes. [Job 42:6] (I echo Job, Father, and repent of pride, self-righteousness, fear and unbelief.)

Now My eyes shall be open, and My ears attent unto the prayer that is made in this place. [2Chron 7:15]

And they overcame him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. [Rev 12:11]

Conclusion

Now that I have confessed and repented publicly, with great humility, there is no more room for excuses. It is either do (obediently, in faith and rest) or die in the wilderness as did a great number of the Israelis. I am not alone in this; there are others who must understand that the Lord has drawn a line in the sand. This I know because He led me to put this forth for others to read.

I give thanks for His mercy and grace, which truly is undeserved on my part. We see the gross darkness as a great foreboding overtaking the earth. We know our enemy and are not ignorant of his devices. We serve a God who desires that none should perish but that all should come to repentance.  Now it is time to be converted and go to strengthen (encourage) the brethren.

Having worked on this piece for nearly a solid 38 hours, minus two separate blocks of two hours sleep, I thought I was done, but the Lord led me to plug in my external, upon which are all the old articles that I have pulled off this blog to post on my new website.  (Yes, I’m very much behind on that.)

There are nearly 400 articles on the external hard drive, yet He led me to pull four articles from the archives, three from 2011 and one from 2008.  I was astounded at what was in the articles because as stated earlier, it is impossible for me to remember all that I have written and under which title.

Our God is incredible at how He weaves things together, not to mention how very patient He is and has been in warning. Yet, the time has come. This is our time – this is our Now. 

To the glory of God alone, I will post the excerpts from the past words that He gave me.  Please do remember that these are only “excerpts” from the articles, which I shall post as led by the Lord.

Also understand that at the time of each writing, the Lord was speaking to multitudes going through various trials and tribulations. He is ever consistent and orderly. When He speaks, it is always a timely message. Glory and praise be to God through Jesus!

May His message minister to the reader as the Lord intends.  Shalom in Yeshua

Con’t – Part 3