Never Give Up HOPE

screenshot--credit_Yuang Xu

The Love that Strengthens and Never Fails

With the help of the precious and Holy Spirit, I put together a little heartfelt package to inspire, encourage and help others, God willing. It reflects where I’ve been spiritually, fighting hard – alone with Jesus. It is good to have a friend or two who understand, but Jesus is the friend we ALL need. He never wearies or tires of us…unless we are ungrateful complainers or worse.

Even then, He will draw us to steer us toward repentance so that He can forgive us. However, He never forces anyone, and He will not contend forever.

When darkness surrounds the soul, there is a silent knowing that other brethren are going through the same thing. It doesn’t need to be spoken, but it does help to talk things out. Sometimes everyone needs comfort, needs to be heard, needs to be understood.

We are in a real war, and the enemy is relentless. His fury is immeasurable; his hatred is bloodthirsty and insatiable. Yet, we have an Advocate who has overcome the enemy and has overcome the world [Jn 16:33] We all long for the days that this spiritual warfare with Satan/Lucifer and his legions is finally over. Christ is the Victor.

We are one ‘Body’ in Christ Jesus/Yeshua, who is the Head. The Body cannot exist or live without the Head – how beautiful and wise are the ways of the Lord.

A Raging Battle

I was looking for a song, one of the old-fashioned hymns, like the Old Rugged Cross, or It Is Well (With My Soul). There was a need to worship the Lord through music, and to focus upon Him. I wanted my heart to be grateful, not wallowing in self-pity. Amazing Grace popped up, a classic. However, just before I clicked on the familiar original version, an extended title caught my eye. “Amazing Grace Fell Like Rain” – intriguing.

I searched out the title and lyrics on Google, and in truth, I could easily have echoed the words for what I have been struggling with these past several months. How many times does one go through a dark night of the soul. I reckon it depends on the soul, depends on the number of times a tragedy in life has struck, or a spiritual crisis has taken place. It depends on several factors.

Now for a true confession. Depression is something I have fought for a long time, off and on throughout my life, but now there is Jesus. My Saviour makes all things bearable. I can run to Him with all my cares, concerns, hurts, frustrations, anger – everything.

The garment of praise is worn for the spirit of heaviness, yet like a trustworthy boomerang, and for reasons unknown, depression returns. Praise Jesus for His patience, understanding, and for being a solid Rock.

Despite the heaviness, there truly is a deep peace and an untouchable inner joy knowing Jesus and abiding in Him, clinging to Him like healthy grapes cling to a strong vine. He truly is an unexplainable strength, wholly reliable. He is our hope, our strong tower, our shield. He is everything good, pure and holy.

The name of the Lord [Adonai] is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and is safe. [Prov 18:10]

The lyrics that will be posted further below summed up a fair chunk of what has been going on within me, deep below the surface (or perhaps, not so deep), behind the sometimes-pasted smile and sometimes forced lighthearted-sounding words. I must say that I am extremely grateful to have a good friend in the flesh…two good friends, sisters in Christ.

Yet in the Spirit, Jesus is the best friend of anyone who will draw close and abide in Him (be one in Him, and He will be one in you), just as Jesus/Yeshua was in the Father, and Abba (the Father) was in Christ Jesus.

We Must Learn to Trust

Jesus is LORD Of the battle

When we pass through turbulent waters that churn up waves of hopelessness, or stand in the fiery furnace of the world's most heated troubles presented by vicious tyrants, we can be confident that the same Lord God [Adonai] who assured us that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever [Heb 13:8] promises never to leave us. He stays very close to us, even when He is silent.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you: when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon you. [Is 43:2] KJV

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path. [Prov 3:5, 6]

The flesh will remain imperfect until the day we are changed (all born-again, Spirit-filled believers), in the twinkling of the eye, on the day of resurrection or the rapture, whichever the Lord chooses.

The best thing I ever did was to finally surrender, wholly and gladly! Commitment was not surrender, but I did not differentiate for some time. I had to learn. Surrender would be the best move anyone, including you, can make.

If you already have, bravo! Whether I want to or not, I will let you down. Others will let you down (disappoint/fail), and you will let others down too. It is all part of the fallen, carnal nature. Even when we do not intend to ever let anyone down, it does happen in this life. It is the human factor. Yet, with great confidence I can assure you that Jesus (Yeshua) will never let you down.

Guaranteed there will be times in this life that stuff happens and we do not get why God has allowed it, why He did not stop it… especially when we know He surely could have. He is God after all. We read the Word and we think we understand and know God. Yet when something happens in our life that tears us apart, or that we do not want to happen, more often than not, we cry out, “Why?! Why didn’t You do something? Why did You allow this? What kind of loving God allows this?”

We might wonder what we did to deserve this punishment. Surely it must be punishment for something, or else it just seems cruel. It might ‘feel’ like Yahweh is displeased with us and that is why the tragedy happened. We try to rationalize, try to make sense out of tragedy or calamity.

We will search the heart for sin, any sin, all sin. He must be punishing us. Why else must we suffer this pain (whether external (physical), internal (mental, emotional, spiritual), or both).

Why else are some of us unable to walk, or some unable to move, or others still unable to see, or hear. Why else did this marriage fall apart? Why else did this person get sick, or that person die, or, or, or…? We may accuse Jesus/God of being unfair, unjust, or worse – unloving.

We may ask Him to bring a certain person back and to take us, but God does not roll that way. El Shaddai, God Almighty – Yahweh – He is good and His mercy endures forever. The day will come when we will understand, but perhaps not now.

Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return to the Lord [Adonai], and He will have mercy upon him; and to our God [Yahweh], for He will abundantly pardon.

For My thoughts are not our thoughts; neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts. [Is 55:8]

Perhaps you have not had anything happen to you in life that would bring you to that desperate, frustrated, and perhaps even momentarily angry point in time with your Creator, the true living God that you have loved and served.

Guard your healthy fear of the Lord. Respect that He is GOD, and there is no other. He is the true, living God and He always has a remnant, always. Ask forgiveness if your emotions caused you to be rude, disrespectful, or a complainer and grumbler. Turn away from bitterness; destroy any bitter root.

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ [2Cor 10:5]

Sweet Surrender

Jesus IS merciful. When we repent with godly sorrow, He will forgive and not bring it back up to remembrance. [Micah 7:19] As people, we tend to ‘forgive’, but we do not forget. It is true that some things are hard to forget. We were given a memory for a reason.

I have heard people say they ‘forgive’ someone who did a great trespass against them, but if their name comes up, their countenance appears angry. Neither do their words align with how they look.

If one still has any animosity at all toward the person, the forgiveness is in their head but not their heart. Jesus told us to forgive seventy times seven, which means we will tire of counting long before we arrive 490 times. Either that, or we will lose track.

Animosity: it come from the Latin word ‘animus’, meaning spirit, mind, or high passion; a strong feeling of dislike or hatred: ill will or resentment tending toward active hostility: an antagonistic attitude – synonyms: bitterness, enmity, bad blood, hostility SOURCE: Merriam-Webster

Hatred in the heart is as a murderer in the heart. [1Jn 3:15] Let it go, and truly trust God to take care of things, in His way, and in His timing. That can be most difficult, especially when it comes to serious violations, I know. But our faith and our heart will be tried. This life is temporal. All will have to stand before a holy and just God.

We may learn ‘why’ further up the road, or we may not learn why until we meet Jesus in heaven. Will anything on earth seem important once we leave these earthen vessels, and leave the only ‘home’ (earth) that we have ever known?

Jesus can be trusted to do what is best for us in the long-run. That is where trust must stand. And remember, it only takes faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains (of trouble). God is the God of the impossible.

These are not just ear-tickling, fluffy expressions to give false hope. They are the core, the foundation that establishes REAL hope faith through Jesus the Christ.

Now for the lyrics to the song.

Amazing Grace Fell Like Rain

by Mikhail Bennett, Rose Bennett, Christian Grace

I was carrying a thousand worries like stones inside my chest

Smiling through the pain of living, but my soul could find no rest

I had wandered through the silence, far from who I used to be

Then a quiet voice in darkness said, “My child, come back to Me.”

And when the night felt endless, I felt mercy hold my hand.

 

Amazing grace fell like rain on the driest parts of me

When my heart forgot its purpose, You still saw what I could be

Amazing grace gave me peace, when my world was torn apart

And the love I could not find here, You planted in my heart

 

There were battles no one noticed hidden deep behind my smile

I was losing faith in tomorrow, walking empty mile by mile

But You never stopped pursuing even when I turned away

Through the sorrow and confusion, You were lighting up my way

When I thought the road was over, heaven whispered through my pain

 

Amazing grace fell like rain on the driest parts of me

When my heart forgot its purpose, You still saw what I could be

Amazing grace gave me peace when my world was torn apart

And the love I could not find her, You planted in my heart

 

You were there inside the silence; You were there inside the storm

When I thought that I was broken, You were making something more

Not perfection, not religion, just a love that set me free

And the mercy I was chasing was already chasing me

 

Amazing grace lead me home when these tired eyes finally see

That the peace I searched forever was You walking next to me

Was You walking next to me

Amazing grace, You never stopped loving me

Never stopped loving me…

Never stopped loving me…

(Released July 2026) – AI-generated

True Confession – And That’s Okay

I shared some things I do not typically share (depression), but there are others who suffer silently too. Thanks in part to the prosperity gospel, there are those who believe that a Christian is not meant to be depressed (tell that to Job, Moses, Jacob’s son, Joseph, and David).

A Christian is not meant to have any sickness (Hezekiah, David, Timothy – three examples of sickness); not meant to be depressed (Job and David both suffered depression), not meant to live at poverty level (being poor is not a sin), not ever to question their faith or any do any critical thinking or ask any critical questions. (lies from Satan)

It is not realistic to think a true Christian will not suffer any of these things. Prosperity teachers (false doctrine) and wolves in sheep’s clothing teach that. The enemies of the cross plant their seeds of deception as well. But we serve the most incredible God. There are no adequate words to describe either Jesus or the Sovereign, Providential Yahweh (God).

For a couple of decades, I have tried to describe God and Jesus, but this writer has not been successful in it (smiles – I am in good company, I hear). The living God is holy, dependable, and always has a listening ear, unless one is stiff-necked and refuses to turn from their sin.

click any pic to enlarge

Dark Night of the Soul

That being said, I recently went through what has been named for centuries as a “dark night of the soul”. It is surely is not the first time, but I pray it is the last. This dark night is a time when a war0weary soul hits a dark period, completely exhausted – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually – from life’s battles, which are at time daily.

The struggles deep within are confusing and painful, a time that one goes through very much alone (more often than not), feeling abandoned by a world void of understanding or compassion. It is a time that a mask might go on, one that convinces observers that everything is okay. We may share events or things that are happening with a trusted friend, but keep the heavy turmoil churning inside, strictly to ourselves so that we do not trip anyone else up, or shake up their faith. God forbid!

Pass the Test

It is important that people know God is good, and He definitely loves us, but we may still struggle with hopelessness and misunderstanding of the Lord’s ways, which is devastating to our spirit. We want to appear strong, but feel the weakest we have ever felt.

We do not want to be a hypocrite, but at the same time, we do not want to complain, or worse yet, we do not want to trip others up, and discourage them. So, we carry the burden alone, not knowing what to ay to our precious Lord.

People believe you are strong, when inside, you feel so weak. As a Christian, we do not want people to see us stressed, upset, angry, or even depressed. Few see it as the crisis it is, where the soul is experiencing a type of dismantling, a deep emotional pain, a disconnect from the world, from others, and – even from God.

We might feel crazy with the mixture of emotions and pretending to be stronger than we are, but we are not crazy… at least, we hope we are not. What it does mean is that we are going through a purging. Things that are not of God are being exposed and the dross is surfacing.

Growing pains are a reality. It is not a physical pain, but it is a very deep, harsh pain. Our faith is being tested. It is being tried more than it ever has been before. I have spoken in the past about Job, and Abraham, and Moses, and Joseph.

Faith Will Be Tested

I posted a scripture some time back that helps us to remember the testing of our faith. Just like a Samurai sword must be proven (tested) to see if it is worthy to be in the hands of a skilled warrior in a battle, so must our faith be proven (tested) to see if we love God first above all things, and having gone through many tests, and having done all – to stand.

He sent a man before them, even Joseph, who was sold for a servant: Whose feet they hurt with fetters: he was laid in iron: Until the time that his word (promise) came: the Word of the Lord (Adonai/Yahweh) tried (tested) him [Ps 105:17-19]

Many give up at this point, right before the victory comes to fruition. I know I almost did. I did not almost give up on Jesus, nor on God, but on any hope of glorifying Him, or doing something that will please Him, or the promises I believe to come to fruition, or even staying strong to the end.

Help me, Lord, in the times where I feel that I cannot take any more. I do ask why, why must I go through this? Is there no other way for me to learn what it is you want me to learn? Why won’t it end?? It seems never-ending. I know I am not being punished for something, but it sure feels like it.

I know I have an attitude sometimes (frustration, disappointed, betrayal); or a curse word slips out. I hate when my mouth shames me.

I am surrounded by those who cuss, but it’s not an excuse. I need to exercise self-control. I grew up with it, spoke it sometimes. Ahh Lord, help me to be what You want me to be. Help me to make it to the end, to put others first. Do Ido it even when they trespass against me?   

I love you, Lord. You are good. You have done much for me (and the tears appear endless. Perhaps save me from myself, Lord.

The pain is daily, unable to walk far without assistance. I grew up around violence, but I chose not to be violent...                                                                           Lord, I know others suffer more, but I cannot possibly compare myself to others, it’s too much. But like Paul, I do things I do not want to do, and do not do the things I should.

I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. [Rom 7:15-18] ESV

Fight the Good Fight

It is a dark night where it is hard to see anything clearly. A wondering of purpose, an aloneness, a sense that no one understands, a horribly lonely feeling. It is a type of inner breakdown, a deep searching of the soul – a painful purging.

When a person is in that dark night, they deal with thoughts and feelings of guilt, shame, fear, and yes, anger. It is not meant to be a time of destruction, but a time of new beginnings, new strength, new wisdom, new growth…no matter the age.      

A loving parent longs to help their child, if they even suspect their child is going through a dark night of the soul. But it is like the butterfly struggling to come out of the cocoon. If the butterfly is helped out, or if someone peels open the chrysalis early, the limbs can be torn or become deformed on the new butterfly.

When the butterfly breaks free, it has to hang upside down immediately. It is so their little heart can pump fluid into the wings so they will expand. If someone handles the butterfly as soon as it comes out, the could cause it to die because without hanging upside down, the wings will dry and harden, causing them to shrivel up. That would mean the butterfly will never fly. Instead, it will die.

When a person comes out of a dark night of the soul, they may feel slightly disoriented (like things are upside down), but it is for our own good. That is usually when God is quiet…and some may think He does not care. Others may think He is not real. Listen, please. God does care. He is real!    

I sent this to each of my children (now  grown adults, two in their 30s and one early 40s), and said to them:

I believe you can relate to this song. As your mother, I want you to know that I love you deeply, ever since the moment you came out of my womb and I first laid eyes upon you, and held you gently in my arms. You have become a fine person – each one of you are different, yet each of you are such a gift to me (an undeserved gift, but I am grateful)!

I made so many mistakes, but I did my best with no backup. It is too bad because I believed in God/Jesus all my life, but I did not have any solid relationship with Him. It is written that even the demons believe and tremble.

Yet know this. I am here to be your backup, if and when you ever need any. When I lost all of you in 1994 when I ended up in the hospital for a month after one night of abuse with your father, I did turn to Jesus, but I had the wrong motive. I did not turn to Him to repent of my sins. I still had no fear of the Lord, nor was I filled with godly sorrow for my sins. I turned to Jesus because I wanted to get my children back from an alcoholic who would neglect and abuse all of you.

Jesus is so patient, so good. He had to work on the inside of each of us, so He could cleanse us, and dress us in robes of righteousness. He put people in our path who helped us at that time. Jesus never forces Himself on us. He desires people come willingly and gladly. Incredibly good, kind Jesus!

May this song minister to each of you as it did for me. May it move you to thank Jesus for His great love, care, salvation, forgiveness, deliverance, everything. Even though I was not saved at the time, each one of you were dedicated to the Lord when you were just weeks old. It was not done in a church, but I did get on my knees, lift each of you in the air, thank God for you, and acknowledged that you were His. I must have seen it or heard of it, I know not but now that I know Jesus, I believe that He led that action. I give Him the glory alone.

The ‘names’ of the artists/musicians of this song are all fictitious characters, AI-generated characters. They are not real people. And the video that someone put together is completely AI-generated. Once created, it was posted on YouTube, on a YouTube channel. It likely got posted on TikTok, Facebook, Rumble, or whatever…

AI characters and AI videos annoy me. It is artificial indeed, and I strongly dislike AI films.

However, I do like the song. My prayer is that it ministers to you all, as it did me. Be much blessed, my child. I love you forever, I like you for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you will be. (heart)

The Lord taught me patience, although I still blow it sometimes; He really and truly is an ever-present help in trouble.

You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusted in you. Trust in the Lord forever: for in the Lord Jehovah [YHVH] is everlasting strength. [Is 26:4] KJV

 for His glory alone

Bonita                     dovesofthevalleys4@gmail.com

While We Were Distracted - Prt 2_On the Side of Truth

Been unrealistically detained...hopefully this second portion posted later - hopefully Wednesday, June 3

On the Side of Truth

[Update: May 27, 2026 - 10: 34 am - BP] 

Blessed is the man that trusts in the Lord, and whose hope Adonai is. [Jer 17:7]

Over two decades ago the email address that is at the end of all my articles was created. It came from the book of Ezekiel where the prophet warns Israel that their rebellion, idolatry, lawlessness, and violence will bring Adonai’s wrath upon them, but pride leads rebellion and they turned a deaf ear.

The purpose of God’s judgment is always to bring the people to repentance so that He can forgive them and reconcile them back to Himself. That was the whole purpose of Jesus [Yeshua] sacrificing His very life - the sinless, perfect Lamb of God who took our place upon the cross. Our pathetic sins deserve death. 

For the wages of sin is death; but the GIFT of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. [Rom 6:23] KJV

[Never fall for the lie, whether it comes from the world, the devil, or our own ignorance, that we have to 'clean up your act' before we can come to Jesus, confessing our sins with genuine godly repentance. If that were true, none of us would be saved. Jesus literally made a way when there was no way. It is through the cross and Christ that we change. HE does the changing... 

Only Yahweh can do that. As long as we are alive, we are stuck with our fallen carnal nature. That is why we our told to pick up our cross 'daily' and die to self (our 'selfish' desires, appetites, wants, lusts).It is not easy...the Holy Spirit helps us if we let Him. We can all understand Paul (don't do what I should; do what I should not do...it is a very real battle: spirit vs flesh

                

Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even MAKE A WAY in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. [Is 43:19] KJV (Emphasis in scripture is mine - BP)

Back to Ezekiel 7: We are all a stubborn people. However, the prophet speaks of the survivors of God’s coming wrath. Ezekiel prophesied that Yahweh's righteous judgment would cause a remnant of His people to acknowledge their wrongdoing. They would flee to the mountains to repent in deep sorrow as they mourn over their iniquities.

But they that escape of them shall escape, and shall be on the mountains like doves of the valleys, all of them mourning, everyone for his iniquity. [Ezek7:16]

The scripture struck a cord with me and I made the email as a reminder of my own rebellion, pride, lawlessness and idolatry. It was a time when I had no fear of the Lord, was blind and completely lost.

I had believed in Jesus as long as I can remember (about six years old), but I was not saved. It is written that even the demons believe and tremble. [Jam 2:19] But Jesus - His love drew me. 

I had never known love, not even the love of parents. That is not shared for sympathy. It is stated as a fact and as a testament to the grace and mercy of a perfect and magnificent Creator, who does love us unconditionally. I can speak as a witness, having known the difference between conditional and unconditional firsthand. To God be glory, honour, reverence and love forever and ever. Amen! 

People [well-meaning] said my parents must have loved me if they brought me out of the orphanage after seven years of my being there. Perhaps, but I think it was more for reputation. 

My stepfather was an ex-military man, honourably discharged, who had held many executive positions over the decades (company transfers, promotions). The orphanage was closing, so they had to make a critical decision. 

Thank God, either He moved on their hearts to keep me out of foster homes, or they themselves cared enough to do so - perhaps it was both. I was the youngest of three children from my mother's first marriage, and the only girl. 

I was told that my biological father was a violent, cruel person. Some of the things my mother told me were quite sad, but it helped me understand why she did not want to be reminded of her first marriage. I was a reminder.

Nevertheless, God is Sovereign and Providential. We may not always understand His ways, but we learn to trust Him. I believe Yahweh moved upon the hearts of my biological mother and stepfather, which would explain why they chose to bring me to their home 

(They had married; two daughters were born from that union. I am 9 years old than one, and 12 years older than the other). I had two older brothers that went to foster homes at ages four and seven. The younger older brother was murdered in 1999 in BC; the eldest, I have no clue.

Perhaps knowing the history of her sons in foster care influenced my mother's decision at the time of the orphanage's closure. Personally, I believe God kept me out of foster homes, and for that I am truly grateful. I [heard] that I was placed in the Catholic orphanage at a young age, and stayed just shy of seven years in residency.

Actual orphanage - Heathfield
Arrow points to two nuns relaxing on the veranda
click to enlarge

If there was love from my parents, it was limited and conditional. I failed the conditions. When they both found out they were quite ill (ironically, both my mother and stepfather had terminal illnesses at the same time; they died 28 hours apart), they had documents prepared which they both signed.

I was legally disowned in court. They thought I would seek their riches when they passed. It took me a long time to believe I was any good. I mean, if your own mother disowns you, would you not believe that you must be a horrific person?

Whoa! Stop! I just went to google something about the law when reality hit me right between the eyes with truth! Jesus, my God, thank You! Do you see the above paragraph? 

After carrying this information around for 35 years (half my life), I just found out through 'Google' (AI) that I have believed a lie which was nothing less than  a cruel fabrication, and from a person, a half-sister [nine years younger] whom I loved. 

It is a long, messy story, but we had been separated as a family when I was twenty, after personal tragedy hit home for me. About 28 years [guestimate] passed since I had seen her. In all fairness, she really did not know me. People change over time, especially over nearly 30 years.

She only remembered me as a young adult. I reckon the lie was to protect her inheritance. She must have thought I would contest the will too. How sad! 

It never occurred to me to challenge what she told me. I simply believed it. As I write this, I am in such complete and utter shock that I cannot even weep - I am void, a blank cheque - utterly in shock!

According to the Canadian law, parents cannot stand before a judge and sever ties with their adult children, no matter how much they desire to. How could I have been so gullible and ignorant!?

Jesus has revealed truth to me - just this morning I was weeping, wondering why I was born - what good have I done. Yes, I have been discouraged, but with Christ, I bounce back around. Sometimes the pain gets to me - and frustration.

That is very transparent, but that is how I roll. It is guaranteed there are others who go through glitches. Christ helps us when we feel sifted like wheat. He intercedes on our behalf, so it is written.

Yes, at times He pulls me out of a dark hole. He is the one I turn to and pour out everything because He already knows. I do NOT want to fall away or become ungrateful, or fall into unbelief, apostasy, reprobate, or any other negative thing. 

Jesus has done so much hard work in me; I simply must fight the good fight. I love Him truly (as it is written) because He FIRST loved me - showed me what love is - and it is amazing! I prayed to God not to allow me to fall into self-pity or unbelief. I had said, Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. [Prov13:12]

Wow, just wow! The update to this post took an unexpected turn. There were people I told that I was legally disowned in court by my parents. In my autobiography, it was mentioned. How many saw 'me' as a liar? Oh, my word. I am so sorry that I misled people, unintentionally continuing to spread a lie. 

Pinocchio's nose grew
with every lie

When you ask Jesus to take any and every single thing out of you that is not of Him, any deception, any lie, He will do it. "He is faithful" -- it is something we all say...it echoes throughout the halls of Christianity...but it is true. It can never be said enough. We need eternity to praise Him - so good, so pure, so holy!

To mold us into Christ's image is a lifelong process, but He does do it, as long as we cooperate with Him. He does not force us to do His will. 

I did not think I was deceived in any way at this time, here and now in my life, and I consistently pray to Jesus not to let me be deceived. Dear Lord, I had no idea that I had been believing a lie. How incredibly humbling!

If this helps anyone else, praise God. Ask the Lord to purify you, to keep you from deception. Do not be disheartened if you find out you have been deceived. Be grateful that the Lord, who sees the heart, answers prayer so that we can be perfect as He [our heavenly Father] is perfect. [Mat 5:48]

It is not impossible. In the context it is written, it does not mean to be without flaw. In the Hebrew/Greek, this perfection means to be whole, complete, mature [in Christ]. It is a process.

And that, dear saints, is how subtle and crafty the enemy is, and how he knows where to target us individually (in our own personal weak areas), and how he can convince us to believe a lie. 

And we can be somewhat self-righteous when it comes to blaming Eve, who was deceived, and in turn, deceived her husband, Adam, convincing him to disobey God. Many of us wonder how they could believe the serpent when they walked with a loving God every day. And do we? Do we walk with God, with Jesus/Yeshua? Then, we too need to be careful least we stumble at the craftiness of the serpent...

I am in shock...just wow! Thank You Lord...it is not easy, but thank you for truth!

So, parents cannot banish a child (legally 'disown' them). All they can do is simply write a private "Last Will and Testament" with a lawyer, and "disinherit" a relative by excluding them from the will. That makes sense. 

Perhaps that was how my sister understood 'disowning' (disinheriting). I prefer to give the benefit of a doubt; I prefer to see a glass half-full, not half-empty. I have made my own share of messes in this life. 

I am not trying to make excuses for her, but there is a very real possibility that she misunderstood. Or perhaps it was my mother who told the lie, in order to protect her other daughters, or to spare them any angst, guilt, or fear. 

Only God knows, but finally! I know the truth and have closure. Thank You Jesus! Shake my head...I'm stunned. It matters not. I am free and I have a loving Father who took me in and it is FOREVER! Thank You, Yeshua (my Jesus)!

That [disinheritance] is often done in dysfunctional families or where greed, bitterness, unforgiveness or some other sin tears a family apart, ripping up the roots, severing all connections, and ultimately destroying the tree.

Some folks would and do contest a will, but I never would have. Their reason would have been valid. Even if it was their choice, we were estranged for a very long time as a family. 

Likely in their minds, they were protecting and providing for their 'family', of which they made sure I was not a part. Estrangement would be more than enough to validate their reason for cutting me out of their will.

Strange just how little they knew me. I only wanted their love and acceptance, not their material belongings. They wanted their two daughters to be provided for (the children my mother had with her second husband), understandably. 

There was no need for the lie...unless she herself misunderstood protocol or procedure. I will leave it there. It is over, done. I also just realized that I keep bringing it up in these past few paragraphs, but I think it is just the "shock" departing from my brain and my very soul. 

After all, I believed that lie for half my lifetime, 35 years...never questioning the lie, but always so disappointed in myself that my own mother had to turn her back on me. But Jesus...

When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. Teach me Your way, Adonai, and lead me in a plain path, because of my enemies. [Ps27:10]

I am free with the truth -- indeed, on so many levels the truth does indeed set us free. I am ecstatic, and now for proper closure. Jesus thank You! Hallelujah - glory glory glory is Yours!

All because of Jesus and the most Holy Spirit, I forgave my parents long ago because even though my sins were not the same as their sins, in the eyes of God they were still sins - and my soul desperately needed forgiveness and salvation. If I did not forgive them, I would not be forgiven. So it is written; so it is true.

For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; [Rom 3:23]

For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you will not forgive men their trespasses [sins], neither will your Father forgive your trespasses [sins].

My sincerest prayer is that they both repented on their death beds and were saved. I mean that with all my heart and soul - and that is in no way any goodness or righteousness on my part. That alone is the work of Jesus/Yeshua, through His precious and Holy Spirit. 

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things have become new. And all things are of God who has reconciled us to Himself by Jesus Christ, and has given to us the ministry of reconciliation. [2Cor 5:17-18]

humility before the Good Shepherd
Shutterstock image - Royalty-free

Be that as it may, since January 1, 2005 I wholly committed to the Lord (I still had to learn about surrender, but Yeshua taught me that difference too). Jesus had opened up my eyes and healed my spiritual sight. It has broadened the scope of my understanding.

I came to "see" that much of my suffering at the time I committed to Jesus (and even long before) was a direct result of my rebellion, disobedience and idolatry...that fateful day when I worshipped creation (a man) more than the Creator. Indeed, I was a fool, spiritually blind.

Although "lust" is most often associated with sexuality, it is defined much deeper. It is an insatiable craving, a desperate desire for something, whether it is power, control, money, materialism, status - many things. For me, sadly, it was sexual, yes, but it was mostly the desperate 'need to be loved', no matter the cost.

For a majority of my life, I believed a lie that I had made up which was "bad love is better than no love". Not only was it a lie, but an oxymoron. There is no such thing as bad love. If love is bad (abusive, controlling, manipulative, etc.), then it is not love. True love is good and pure, whole, unblemished...God is love.

Yes, we will suffer the consequences of our sins for a season. How long the season is would be entirely up to Jesus, as only He knows the true condition of the heart and what lessons we must learn. We can deceive ourselves or others, but we can never fool God.

I had chosen to worship creation, a creature, over the Creator. Fear, lust, idolatry, rebellion – no fear of the Lord, it all led me to rebel, disobey and choose a man whom the Lord had clearly revealed to me that he was not my husband. 

He was a violent alcoholic, a liar, a woman beater, a man who could work, but preferred not to if he could get by without it (there were other things that I will not mention here for personal reasons). I did not know all those things about him when I chose to try and keep the relationship alive, but God knew. 

However, I did know he was violent. Once he beat me beyond recognition, and another time, I was in the hospital for a month. I never told - no charges were ever laid for the beatings. Jesus tried to spare me the heartache of making a wrong choice.

But my foolish heart was hardened. Just like Lucifer, my pride blinded me and I rebelled against a holy and just God. I fell...into a deep, dark pit for a long time.

Sin Has Consequences

The Lord saw ahead and knew what the consequences would be if I chose to disobey Him. In His grace and undeserved mercy Jesus came to me in an open vision, but when I understood the man was not to be my husband, unbelief and fear overwhelmed me, “O Lord, no…” was all I could say.

I saw Jesus going in and out of my vision like Alka-Selzer tablets dissolving in a glass. For years I thought that meant that Jesus was giving me time to repent, and He was, but that is not why He was fading in and out. Yeshua is not wishy-washy, nor does He play games. What was happening was that I was going blind spiritually.

That idolatrous choice was the beginning of very long wilderness journey filled with grievous consequences that would eventually have me fleeing to the mountains (British Columbia, September 2014), much like a dove of the valley, mourning over my sins in repentance, with godly sorrow and a healthy fear of the Lord. My choice also affected three innocent beautiful children that were not yet born, but God is so good, He has them in the palm of His hand also.

Most people put their real name as the display name when they set up an email address because many people use it for business and other matters. However, if the email is not strictly for professional use, any display name can be used.

About the same time that I had chosen “doves of the valleys” to show the Lord that I was serious about my repentance (as if He did not know; He does see the heart), I came across another scripture that touched me deep within.

Treasured Friend

                               

From now on, I call you not servants; for the servant knows not what his lord does: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of My Father I have made known unto you. [Jn 15:15]

Jesus is the way, the truth and the life, and no one goes to the Father, but through Him. [Jn 14:6]

With those two scriptures in mind, I made my display name “Friend of truth” – “Friend Oftruth”. He called Abraham ‘friend’. Jesus is our best friend, yet let us remember that He is King of kings and Lord of lords. We do not flippantly say, 'hey bud, how's it going?'. 

That's no exaggeration. There are women who treat Jesus like a 'lover', and men who treat Almighty God like He is their next-door neighbour. I have seen it. Certain prosperity preachers speak of 'conversations' with God as if He is a casual friend... there is no fear of the Lord, no respect, no honour - frankly, it turns my stomach. How far we have fallen...

We need to keep that health fear of the Lord, the reverence, the awareness that He is the all-powerful. If you treat Yahweh like a common person, made of dust and clay, then do not expect Him to call you 'friend'. 

Abraham honoured the Lord. He had the utmost respect and awe for the Creator of all things. It is not about being afraid, not that kind of fear. I bow before Jesus in my heart and acknowledge that He is God Almighty, all-powerful, all-wise. 

I cannot kneel or lower myself right now due to my physical limitations, but there days that I laid prostrate before Him, as humbly and honorably as I possibly could. He is GOD after all...

It took a long time before I even felt worthy to call the Lord ‘friend’, even though I had created the email, but once I was surrendered, the Lord Himself has a way of sealing us as we abide in Him, and He in us – clinging to Him as healthy grapes to a strong vine. The Good Shepherd.

It may take years for consequences to show up or it may take until the day you meet Jesus/Yeshua before the judgment throne. Most of us have heard the expression, they get away with murder. It may seem that way; and it just might be that way while they are upon this earth, but do not doubt, we will all be held accountable for our sins UNLESS we have repented genuinely (turn away from them).

Once we are forgiven, they are gone. People may bring our sins back up, or the adversary, but God will not.

He will again take pity on us; He will trample on our wrongdoings. Yes, You will cast all their sins into the depths of the sea. [Micah 7:19]

That is the verse people are thinking of when they say that God casts our sins into the sea of forgetfulness. There is not a lot of time left to repent. Search your heart. Do the right thing. We all need Jesus to navigate these days, and to get through that which is fast approaching.

It took this foolish, stiff-necked sinner over thirty years to not just commit, but to wholly surrender. It is solidified, and ALL the glory goes to Christ alone… He who patiently guided me (I never had guidance in my life, not from parents, any relative – no one) – but Jesus.

Repentance Brings Forgiveness

He went to the cross and spilled His precious blood for our sins, so that we can be forgiven. Repentance does not mean, “I’m sorry; that was – wrong! I should not have done that.” That is remorse. We are sorry if we get caught; we feel guilty and ashamed. But true repentance is conviction, not guilt. It is being sick of sin, turning away from it.

Sometimes we cannot turn so easily. It may be too pleasurable, or it may be an ugly addiction that we cannot shake. Our flesh enjoys it, but our spirit man wants to quit, but cannot, or has a horrific time quitting. People may tell you that you do not want to quit or you would. You do want to, but you are battling the flesh and the adversary.

There are times we need the Lord to deliver us. When we are sincere in our prayers, Jesus meets us there. He does help us.  I had a cigarette addiction. I tried so many times over the decades to quit. It just was not happening. I kept hearing people say that I did not really want to quit, or I would.

Finally, I told the Lord that my flesh did not want to quit; it liked smoking but deep inside, I hated it. My prayer was honest and sincere. I was at the end of my rope. I couldn’t do it. I wept and wept once I confessed.

Jesus heard. He put 50 years of smoking behind me Hallelujah! He delivered me. The door to my prison was open. I was free, washed in the blood of the Lamb. Fifty years – my jubilee happened. I celebrated six glorious years on the 25^th – to God be the glory forever. What the Lord did for me, I can promise, He will do for you and for all who confess before Him.    

 Hallelujah…all the angels rejoice over just one sinner that comes to repentance. [Lk 15:7; 10] Now, THAT is a celebration! Jesus was resurrected from the dead on the third day after His burial, and was seen by hundreds of witnesses. Then, after 40 days walking amongst the people, He ascended into heaven, promising to return the same way He left.

Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into heaven? This Jesus, who was taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw Him go into heaven. [Acts 1:11]

I see now how Jesus protected and saved me from deadly situations multiple times. He does that with people. If you listen to various testimonies, you will stay humble. I used to think I was ‘so special’ because of the times Jesus saved my life, but dear souls, Jesus does that to multitudes. We just don’t always hear about it.

It has been a cliché of mine for countless years, but it is true that Jesus has a way of making each person feel like an only child. So be careful to stay humble. Don’t go off the deep end like the charismatics and evangelicals who threaten, “Touch not God’s anointed and do His prophets no harm!”  

Guaranteed that no bolt of lightning will strike you down if you ‘touch’ them. That card is usually pulled (that scripture is often used) when they are being called out as a false teacher, false prophet, or they are teaching the doctrines (teachings) of devils.

Then the LORD said unto me, The prophets prophesy lies in My name: I sent them not, neither have I commanded them, neither did I speak to them: they prophesy unto you a false vision and divination, and a thing of nothing, and the deceit of their heart. [Jer 14:14]

They are deceived. David was praising Yahweh in the Psalm, and was speaking of the chosen, the children of Jacob (Israel). David sang of the covenant made with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, mentioning when they were few and went from nation to nation, and to different kingdoms.

None were to do His people any harm; even kings were reproved, saying, “Touch not My anointed, and do My prophets no harm.”  [1Chron 16:13-22] None of us have taken their place.

This article is to bring a matter of significance to the attention of people. We know that the globalists are pushing for their 2030 agenda to be fulfilled, which brings me to the heart of this article.

Now is the time to get right with God. This is not fearmongering. It is a gentle exhortation to be sober [meaning clear-headed], be vigilante and keep a repentant heart like king David did.  Right now, people are perplexed over different things. Confusion, overwhelming thoughts and happenings, everything, including the weather is abnormal.

It’s a Matter of Time

Time is no longer something we can be sure of. It seems to have sped up. There are some days where it seems hours have been erased. Where did they go? Some like to blame CERN. According to Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity, time is not universal and fixed as people once believed.

Instead, time can stretch or slow down, depending on two factors, speed and gravity. To test this theory, researchers placed several highly precise atomic clocks aboard commercial airplanes and flew them around the world.

At the same time, identical clocks were left on the ground to serve as a control. After the flights were completed, the clocks were compared to each other. What they found was something that would have sounded impossible only a few decades earlier.

The clocks that had travelled on the airplanes no longer matched the clocks that had remained on earth. Some had gained time, while others had lost time, depending on the direction of the flight and the altitude of the aircraft.

The difference was extremely small, measured in tiny fractions of a second, but it was exactly what Einstein’s theory had predicted. In other words, time itself had passed at slightly different rates, depending on where the clocks had been.

A clock moving quickly relative to the earth experienced time differently compared to one that stayed still. At the same time, a clock higher above the planet’s surface experienced slightly less gravitational pull and therefore ticked fasted than one closer to the ground.

These differences may sound small, but they prove something profound about the universe. Time does not flow at the same speed everywhere. This strange behaviour is not just a laboratory curiosity either, because it affects technology that millions of people rely on every day.

The satellites used by GPS (Global Positioning Systems) orbit thousands of kilometers above earth while moving at enormous speeds, which means that clocks on the satellites experience time differently from clocks on the ground.

Engineers have to adjust for those differences constantly because without those adjustments GPS systems would begin drifting by several kilometers each day. But relativity was only the beginning of the strange discoveries involving time.

It really is quite interesting. They get into time symmetry, time reversal violation, and more. Time can slow down depending on motion. Time can speed up depending on gravity.  SOURCE: CERN Experiments (Time) [The Ultimate Discovery YouTube channel]

Nothing makes much sense right now. Things are stopping and starting randomly. Even CERN is “pulling the plug” and shutting down for four years. Video on ‘plug’ link. It is a chaotic, corrupted, mind-boggling time we are in.

Warning of Coming Judgment/Trouble

It is near impossible to keep up, everything is moving at breakneck speed. I was supposed to finish part two about the Lamb and Daystar situation, but there always seems to be something holding all back. It never used to be this way. Only once in a little while did things interfere. Now it is constant.

                        

Son of man, speak to the children of your people, and say unto them, When I bring the sword upon a land, if the people of the land take a man of their coasts, and set him for their watchman: 

Then whosoever hears the sound of the trumpet, and does not take the warning; if the sword come, and take him away, his blood shall be upon his own head. 

He heard the sound of the trumpet, and did NOT take warning; his blood shall be upon him. But he that takes warning shall deliver his soul. 

 

                  

 

But if the watchman sees the sword come, and does not blow the trumpet, and the people are not warned; if the sword come, and take any person from among them, he is taken away in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at the watchman's hand. [Ezek 33:2-5]

Numerology is not something I have spent a great deal of time on, but indeed, I have studied it. It is quite interesting to learn the difference in what people were saying. Divination and what is referred to as esoteric mystery has to do with occult numerology. Astrology works with it.

God has used numbers since the beginning, creating all things in seven days. The study of sacred texts involve Biblical or symbolical numerology. Satan has corrupted everything he can; he is the master counterfeiter.

Some years back, studying and learning the number associated with certain Hebraic words, I discovering meanings such as: victory [17]; perfect [7]; the meaning of perfect is often misunderstood when we hear God [Adonai] tell us to be perfect as he is perfect, but in this context, it means spiritual ‘completeness’, ‘wholeness’ step by step as we ‘mature’.

The number ‘33’ keeps presenting itself to me. It is understood that it is typically connected to Freemasons, and the occult, among other nefarious topics. There is a positive and negative side to everything. I am guarded with my usage of numbers; however, I do not dismiss them either. After all, our Creator deals in numbers throughout the Holy Scriptures.

Three (3) is a number for completion. Examples: the Godhead (Father, Son, Holy Spirit), person (body, soul, spirit); eternal (faith, hope, love). Jesus was crucified at 33, but He was also resurrected.

Two books the Holy Spirit led me to read before I started this article were Ezekiel and Jeremiah, the thirty-third chapter for both. Ezekiel 33 speaks of the watchman. Jeremiah 33 of God’s promises. In verse 3 of Jeremiah 33, the Lord tells us to “call out to Him and He will answer us, and show us great and mighty things that we know not.”

I believe that part of the ‘great and mighty things’ is preparing us for that which is coming. He gave us the Bible, which is alive in Spirit, and He is preparing us, warning us, not for the sake of fear, but for the sake of preparedness - mentally, spiritually, financially (if possible), and physically. The most important preparation is spiritually. 

We will never be perfect, as in "without error" in these vessels of clay, but we will be as one of the five wise virgins if we keep ourselves grounded in the Bible, and filled with the Holy Spirit. He is faithful. 

The foolish virgins begged the wise ones
to share the oil in their lamps, but they would not

The foolish virgins believed they had plenty of time to prepare and did not get oil. When the Bridegroom came, they wanted the wise virgins to share their oil with them, but the wise said they needed to keep it in their lamps. 

The Bridegroom came whilst the foolish ones were getting oil, so they missed leaving with Him and were locked out of the wedding feast. [Mat 25:1-13]

Prepare now whilst there is still time. That is not fearmongering; that is wise and loving advice. How one receives it is entirely up to them. 

It is a somber hour, a time to keep balanced in our Creator – a time we were warned about in holy scriptures, throughout many cultures and beliefs. “Take heed no man deceive you,” the first words out of Jesus’ mouth when he was asked what would be a sign of end times and the time of His return. [Mat 24:24]

We are not in glass bubbles, avoiding the contaminants, sins, and evil of this world – “in the world, not OF it…” Even Jesus went to feasts and weddings. We do as led b the Holy Spirit and do not worry what man or Satan say. 

We concern ourselves with what Yahweh says. This needs to be cleared up by me, and where I stand. I stand on the side of the cross, on the right side of the blood line. I stand on the side of truth - Jesus/Yeshua is the truth.

The following is a message of importance.

Bioweapon to Cause Allergy

NOBLE - my son's beautiful Bluetick coonhound mix

Back in March, the family Bluetick coonhound mix [Bulldog, Boxer, Golden Retriever] was quite unwell. One of the things we were advised to have him treated for was ticks and fleas, to prevent Lyme disease. Apparently that has been a typical treatment for pets, particularly in the spring when weather warms up.

But now the vet has warned to keep the treatment up and to not fall behind in it. Noble has developed severe allergies and as of yet, we have not been able to do the testing because the breakouts he gets cost nearly $500 each time to ease his suffering. He has to go again in a few days. 

Interesting that he is a 'Bluetick coonhound' (for the longest time I kept saying 'blue tooth'. Talk about programmed. 

People all over must be very careful with ticks. My eight-year-old grandson had one on him already a few months ago. The dog had some also, and it was still chilly out a couple of months back. Now that the warmer weather is here, the ticks will really be manifesting. Please take heed.

Spreading Globally

click any picture to enlarge

It is not just Lyme disease we all must watch for, but the Lone Star tick that makes us allergic to red meat. Do you remember how they were pushing fake meat on us, and then "crickets"? 

Now, we have a warning sounding globally, which is no conspiracy theory. It is conspiracy fact. Reports coming in from United States, Canada, Australia, for starters. Each country is reporting alarming increases in a “severe tick-induced mammalian meat (Alpha-gal) allergy since 2020.”

The excerpt below comes from Australia’s Centre for Disease Control: << pdf link

Nearly all cases of Lyme disease were reported in 14 states: Connecticut, Delaware, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Vermont, Virginia, and Wisconsin.

click to enlarge

Lyme disease has also spread to Canada and human cases have been reported in Long Point on the Ontario shore of Lake Erie, and in southern Ontario, Nova Scotia, south-eastern Manitoba and New Brunswick. There is the possibility of additional emerging populations in southern Quebec.

In Europe, the regions with highest tick infection rates are central Europe including Austria, Czech Republic, southern Germany, Switzerland, Slovakia and Slovenia. In the UK and Ireland, particularly high-risk areas are the South of England and the Scottish Highlands.

In Asia, the major endemic areas for Lyme disease in China are forests in the Northeast and Northwest, and some areas in Northern China.

(End Excerpt)

Bill Gates funded research into genetically-engineered cattle ticks. Now 450,000 Americans have red meat allergies from 'Alpha-Gal Syndrome' caused by tick bites.

This is not something new. The Japanes dropped huge bombs with ticks on the Chinese. Plum Island in Cuba had thousands of ticks dropped off. 

Military is dropping the boxes off on farmland.

Farmers have been finding metal boxes on their land with hundreds of ticks in them. If you click on the bottom picture of the rectangular metal box, you will see a bunch of dots which are ticks. 

The person taking the video gently kicked the box and ticks started pouring out of the slots on the sides. By the end, the box was darkened by ticks. This was in the United States. The man was out hunting for mushrooms when he came upon the metal box. He was horrified when he opened it.

covered in ticks - fawn seemed dead

Animals are being infested, and some are not surviving. The Lone Star tick has the ability to alter your tolerance for eating meat. You will develop a red meat allergy. 

The above pictures are of a young fawn. In the video it was not moving, but it was completely infested with ticks. The man did not know if the fawn was dead or alive, and he was unsure what to do.

Ohio (not in the list of states up above) has suddenly been overwhelmed with ticks. The Rutherford Hayes Presidential Library has begun putting up all kinds of posts, warning people to be vigilant about ticks when outdoors. It is that big of a problem. People are being tested and told they have an allergy to red meat.

Interestingly, it is similar to the time before it was announced that Covid-19 was a pandemic, vaccines were already rolling out. Now, there is a new vax prepared for Lyme Disease.

I will post more by late afternoon, Lord willing. This took much longer than I had anticipated.

Pray and seek Jesus. He will never steer you wrong.

for His glory alone

Bonita                          dovesofthevalleys4@gmail.com