I inserted this part at the top of my article to settle a question. A dear sister in the Lord and close friend asked me if I had anything about 9-11 in my spirit and I answered her no.
May the Lord help me if I'm wrong, but I have not been alerted to any attack happening at any memorials on the fifteenth anniversary of the 9/11 attack on the twin towers that occurred in New York City, September 11, 2001.
It is also the start of the NFL season, and concerns are that terrorists are striking the more public places such as stadiums, malls, concerts and other very public places where the masses gather.
Although there are no threats at this time that are "specific" or "credible", the DHS are not taking any chances urging agencies to be prepared and alert.
Fox News quotes: "The intelligence notification specifically cited recent ISIS-inspired and directed attacks - from Nice, France to Orlando, Fla., to Istanbul, Turkey - as a caution to U.S. law enforcement agencies to remain vigilant in the face of an "ongoing heightened threat environment."
(End of quote)
The FBI and Homeland Security had previously issued a warning for a possible terrorist attack for the July 4th celebration, as reported by USA Today
If you would like a more detailed, yet brief write-up, see Soapiebox: Tear of Grief – teardrop monument
Again, I have to say that I have not received any alert from the Lord regarding tomorrow, the 11th day of September 2016, on the 15th anniversary of the attack on the towers in NYC.
What I believe the real urgency is that the Lord wants His children to pay attention to is written below. It is an incredible time in history, as we watch the last of the last days, along with its foreboding and increasing darkness.
The urgency is for us to be sober and in God's will, for such a time as this.
Be of Great Courage
In my attempts to encourage others in the past year, I must confess that I was also actually trying to encourage myself in the Lord. How many of us have gone through tests that have overwhelmed us, especially if they are long trials?
How many of us have been experiencing trials as never before, trials that surpass the proverbial 'dark night of the soul'? Sure, all of us have been through tough trials or tests at some point in our walk with God, if we have been walking with Him for awhile, whether a short while or a long while.
I remember other troubled, turbulent times, when it seemed like all was going to come against me. I have heard testimonies of countless others who came through painful, devastating trials as well.
Over time, I came to understand that all of God's people go through very dark and difficult seasons, times that are very chaotic, overwhelming and unsure indeed. I also came to understand that the trials for others become harder as well, the further they walked in obedience with God.
In those seasons, we either press in closer to God or we can become angry, disillusioned, or even begin to shut down. Yet those who truly love the Lord, simply cannot - we simply cannot shut down completely; we hang on with that mustard seed of faith. It is the precious Holy Spirit that holds us and will not let us give in. It truly would have to be us that falls away or gives up. Don't give up
We may not realize it at the time, but as I have said before, it is often in retrospect that we see clearly, with understanding. Many call this hindsight. We all have one hundred percent hindsight, although we see darkly when it comes to the now (during trials) and when it pertains to the future. We only know what God reveals to us, in the ways He chooses, such as in His Word, by His Spirit, and through others. His ways are outstanding and unsurpassable!
We all know the story, but for those who do not, you can find it in the book of Numbers, chapter 13, beginning with the 17th verse. In Numbers 13 verse 8, we see the name "Oshea" (some translations spell it "Hoshea"). In verse 16, we see that Moses changed the name of Oshea to "Jehoshua" or "Joshua".
Caleb and Joshua were the only two out of the twelve spies that came back with a good report. The rest trembled in fear and brought a discouraging and evil (fearful) report about the giants in the land, giants so large that they were as grasshoppers in their own sight and in the sight of the giants. [see verse 33]
Joshua listened keenly to the Lord, believed and obeyed Him. When the Israelites had taken Gilgal (before Jericho), five kings fled to the caves. When they were captured, Joshua was the first to encourage his warriors.
And Joshua said unto them, Fear not, nor be dismayed, be strong and of good courage: for thus shall the Lord do to all your enemies against whom you fight. [Josh 10:25]
Laying Down Pride
We have heard of a 'dark night of the soul' or a 'crisis of faith', but what do you call the granddaddy of all trials- a trial like none of the hard ones that you have been through before?
When one writes, teaches or even preaches and that one finds themselves in an overwhelming, earth-shattering trial like none that they have been through before, how does one navigate through it and still be real? After all, saints are to be examples before an unbelieving world, are we not? This may be one reason that multitudes can relate to Job, and why the book of Psalms is so comforting.
There are a million thoughts that race through the mind, some of which may have presented themselves in previous tests or trials. One may wonder if they have done something to anger God, or search the heart for any possible sin that may have brought chastisement or judgment. How often do we confess sins that we may not even be guilty of...just in case we were blind to them, yet still guilty although unaware?
When the Lord requests that we do something (perhaps part of a personal covenant), it may very well be one of the hardest things He ever required of you - like the rich man who was told to sell all and give it to the poor. Yet, the Lord tries the heart.
He may assure a person that 'you can do this', but doubts may begin to haunt them. He may be silent and seem afar off, but He is with us through it all.
We must block unbelief with the shield of faith, yet as time passes and the trial continues on, sometimes relentlessly and seemingly without end, even the strongest can become frustrated, weary or completely overwhelmed (undone).
Yes, it is true that many blame Satan or some devil for everything that goes awry, which would be the wrong too. Not everything is from Satan. There are consequences brought about by our sins.
On the other hand, there are Christians who say that Satan will not come against us if we have faith and are walking in God's will, or say that God will protect His own and not allow evil to touch us. Really? What would such people have said to Job, or Joseph, Daniel, the apostles or Jesus Himself?
God is Sovereign, but we cannot see all things as He does, nor do we have the wisdom or understanding that He possesses. Some things we will not know or understand in this life. That is where trust comes in. It is not an easy walk.
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| The Cleansing Stream artist -- Ron DiCianni |
About a year ago, a great trial began for me, and yes, I have come to call it the 'granddaddy' of all trials, the hottest fire yet. The heat of the fire has been increased over the past six months, with every possible thing going wrong.
Here is where I lay down pride. I struggled with thoughts, such as, 'if I share this on my blog, people who have followed for any length of time might say, "What again? Another trial? Now what...?" No one invites hardships, no one.
There has also been great temptation to 'go it alone' and not say a word, but rather to focus on encouraging others who may be in their own deep valley of trouble and sorrows. But would it make me a hypocrite, a pretender, if I tried to go alone?
Confusion certainly can and does happen to people in the midst of severe trials. We do not always understand or have satisfactory answers. There are times when nothing makes sense. How I struggled in things, not knowing what to do; times when God is silent.
One tends to think that surely it will end soon. Tomorrow is a new day. In hardships, a believer may consider that when it is over, then we can tell people and give God the glory.
I have also heard more than once that 'God does not use people when they are depressed, or down and out. He has plenty of vessels He can use.' True, but who can say who God will or will not use or when? Who can order His hand or counsel Him in what to do?
Is it not best to shift focus off of one's self and reach out to others? Are we an island by ourselves or are we part of the Body of Christ? Are we not to pray one for another? If we keep things to ourselves, who will know to pray?
No Masks Allowed
Pride can be so subtle, cloaking itself as false humility. I was guilty of this; please forgive me, but I might as well be upfront about it. After all, anyone who gives prophetic words and constantly encourages people to 'trust God'; 'have faith'; 'fight the good fight'; 'don't give up'; 'praise God through it all' etc, surely and truly that one must bloody well be ready to walk the walk and put their words into action.
There are those who say, "Well, you must have a chink in your armour (area of vulnerability) or a gap (area of weakness) somewhere, or Satan could not hit you." Sometimes we choose to go it alone simply because we allow lies, doubt and/or fearful thoughts to consume us.
The Holy Spirit is faithful to guide us. The Lord truly does not leave us or forsake us. If there is unconfessed sin, He will reveal it to us. If it is something that the Lord has asked you to do and with all your heart, you are determined to obey, expect an onslaught from the enemy.
Why does the Lord allow such hardships? There is no one pat answer that encapsulates every trial. However, it is guaranteed if you are determined to do the will of God, there will come opposition. The enemy's goal is to have you give up, to let go of your faith because without faith, it is impossible to please God. [Heb 11:6]
But I promise that if you stay close to God, even in His silence, He will bring you through, even if you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can only see one step lit up at a time. Step by step, even moment to moment, He will guide us.
You can do it! I can do it! We are in a race, a bloody war, but we have a King who is on our side, and if God be for us, who can be against? [Rom 8:31] Just prior to that verse is the first verse I ever memorized. For we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to them who are the called according to HIS purpose. [Rom 8:28]
Granddaddy of Trials and Spiritual Warfare
We have to remain approachable, no matter what we are going through. Yes, it is a tough call. Please do not misunderstand me. There are times that we need to be alone, to digest certain things that happening or have happened, to reflect upon and to sort through it all.
We also need alone time with our Lord God. What I am cautioning against is becoming so isolated, so despaired, so overwhelmed that we allow no one to come near, or even give them the opportunity to pray.
There was (and has been) such a struggle going on inside of me, and my heart aches at the thought of being a hypocrite. Sometimes we want to be cool, but we end up a fool, if we become consumed with ourselves and our trials.
We are accountable and responsible not only to our glorious King, but also to our brethren. Think about it. If someone you knew, or another member of the Body of Christ was in the throes of a horrific trial, would you not want to know so that you could pray, or even help them if you were so led and so able?
It is so easy to fall into a pity party, but we must redirect our focus back to our Christ, to Jesus. We must not look at the turbulent waters or fear will cause us to sink and we may feel like we are drowning in the ferocious waves.
It Begins
This last trial began about a year ago, when someone very close to me suddenly 'disappeared'. It was completely unlike them and I was thrown off by it. About the third week after their disappearance, when in prayer, the Holy Spirit said, 'He is alive.'
I was surprised by the statement and was waiting for more information. 'He's alive and...?' Silence! That is all that the Lord said to me, despite me trying to prod Him for more detail. Although I was glad to hear from the Lord, I was left feeling not just baffled, but quite bewildered. My only alternative was to pray.
I cannot pretend to know what God was thinking, but is likely safe to say that the Lord was sparing me great anxiety and concern, as my friend is in a country far away and there was no possible way that I could go to be there.
My beloved friend was not out of the woods yet, even though he was at home. I prayed earnestly. I will say here and now that today, a year after the fact, that the Lord did heal my friend quite quickly considering the extent of his injuries...and I give our Sovereign God all the glory, with thanksgiving!
Yet, that was only the beginning of what has come to be a very long trial that would greatly shake me, test the very foundation of my faith and try whether I truly trusted God. But what is even more concerning – can God trust me?
And this word, Yet once more, signifies the removing of those things that are shaken, as of things that are made, that those things which cannot be shaken may remain.
Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear: For our God is a consuming fire. [Heb 12:27-29]
After news came that my friend was recovering at home after over two months in hospital (and all the stress and concern that came upon me in that duration), other things began to crop up that were equally stressful. I had felt helpless and frustrated when I could not be by my friend's side in such a trying time for him, but he has a wonderful family who were there for him, as well as friends.
For this part, I cannot share publicly some of the other things that transpired in that time period a year ago, as it would betray a confidence, but suffice it to say that I was pressing in and praying with great fervency. It seemed that I was finding myself more and more seeking God and praying. He guided me through it all.
Yes, there were times of silence, yet it never failed that God would answer me in His timing, not mine. He would reassure me and what He said would come to pass. Only God is Sovereign and omniscient (all-knowing).
Things kept cropping up, but it was slowly at first and not overwhelming, but still at a steady pace. Even still, it kept me constantly alert and in serious prayer. By the grace of God, I came to understand that it was a trial, but also further pruning, purging, cleansing, and purifying.
Speeding Up
It was March that I found out that all my saved articles that I had pulled off of the blog (which represented seven years of writing, with five being from the blog) and had placed on an external hard drive were showing up as corrupted and unreadable.
It seemed that just my writings that I had removed from the blog to transfer to another website, including my testimony, were the only files that were registering as corrupted. Some were okay, but all had to be sorted through. I wept that night and into the next day.
All my hard work over the years, countless hours of research and writing, seemingly gone. There had been words from the Lord, news articles and so much more.
In desperation, I called a company that confidently advertised that their recovery of damaged or lost files was most successful. To cut to the quick, the external was picked up and shipped off to a university in Saskatchewan. The representative I conversed with offered me great hope.
The external was in their possession nearly two months (instead of the quote of two weeks) before it was sent back to me. All the items on the original external had been transferred to a new external hard drive, which I did purchase.
The case was missing from the original external and I was told that the covering was part of the problem, which did not make sense to me. All that was shipped back to me was the guts, the inward parts of the external.
There were over two million files on the external, which consisted of pictures, articles, songs and PDFs; all collected over a seven year period and placed on the external. I was directed to go through each file to see what was recovered, as the company did not do that. What?
Did they know how long it would take to go through that many files? I began the process, only to find out that no files opened at all. In a desperate phone call, it was agreed that an error had occurred by one of the intern technicians and they would send me another external. This took an additional two weeks.
Meanwhile, other stressful things kept happening, from health to finances, to troubles happening with friends and family, car troubles, to matters of the heart and relationships. Every area seemed hit. What was happening?
Spiritual Warfare
During this time, I kept pressing in with the Lord. I could not give up, but I surely did not understand all that was happening or why. To counter any negativity, I reached out to others and continued to go into the community, reaching out to the lost, ministering to them.
I also kept busy answering emails from those who wrote with concerns and those who wanted prayer. It was my way to keep the focus off of me and to walk in love, as God commands us. Others were hurting and having great trials too and how I wanted them to know that God loves them and is with them!
The good fight had to be fought, right? The focus had to be Christ, as well as my love for Him first, then others. It was working for awhile, but as the trial continued, I began to question my faith, my walk with God, my sincerity and everything else about myself. Yet even still, I could not, would not blame God.
Every month my old car, a 2000 Grand Am, needed some kind of repair. It was draining me, as I was also sending money out to help others in pressing situations. So much was going on, yet there was one thing that was the most pressing to me.
The Lord had required I give something up. Every time He asked, I would immediately do so, yet I was not overcoming. My heart was crushed. Do I truly love God? Because as I have often said, when we truly love God, we obey Him.
Why was I not overcoming this area? I became very confused, discouraged and angry at myself. Here I was telling others that we must overcome, that we must lay it all down for God, but I was struggling in an area? The word 'hypocrite' kept coming to mind.
I began to spiral downward, my hope seemingly dashed, and I was desperately trying not to despair, trying to keep focus on the Lord, trying to keep my head above water. World events escalating in intensity and frequency, taking away focus at times. "Lord, help me. I can't do this without You!"
Oh, how well I know that the sacrifice that is pleasing to God is ME- laying down my life. Yes, a great shaking was taking place once again and yes, I was crying out to my Maker, the Sovereign God of all creation, my Rock, my refuge.
You were running well; who hindered you from obeying the truth? [Gal 5:7]
Transparency – Sharing My Heart
Journal – Once Upon a Time
Where is strength? Where is endurance? Where is discernment? I cannot pretend I understand. Have I heard You Lord, or have I been deceived? God forbid! Forbid deception, Lord. I pray for knowledge, wisdom, increased discernment, counsel, might, understanding, the fruit of the Spirit and fear of the Lord.
May I be a profitable servant, walking in love, walking by faith and not by sight and pleasing to You, Lord. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, and right now, my heart feels sick. I look to You Lord, the Author and Finisher of my faith.
I look to you Lord, for comfort, even chastisement, so that I know I am Yours. I look to You for truth and wise counsel, for the sake of Your Son's name, Jesus, my Yeshua - the Messiah of Nazareth and the world. Amen
God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob Gave Me an Answer
(a small personal message that did come to pass)
Have I ever steered you wrong before? PATIENCE - just a little longer. Walk in love and peace of Christ. All is not lost! Trust!
For we know that all things work together for good to those who love God and are the called, according to His purpose. [Rom 8:28]
Another Day
Trying to be brave when courage seems a stranger; trying to understand when logic seems resistant; trying to love, when love is yet a stranger - a stranger, but not, for God is love and He is no stranger to me.
But God! Only God has remained Faithful and True, calming the storms, enduring turbulence and ever longsuffering, beyond all expectation. Who can fathom the height, breath, width and depth of our Creator?
Yes, hope is deferred and indeed my heart feels sick. Empty and numb, I must yet resist the planting of a root of bitterness. I must cut it off and destroy its very seed. This is only done through forgiveness.
Yet Another Day
I want to cry and cannot. Death would be welcomed, yet a longing to see things work out keeps me going. No! It is the Lord that keeps me going! Is that faith? I do not know...
I see my failures; I recognize my shortcomings. It is spiritual warfare. How soon I forgot! We war not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the dark rulers of this world and against spiritual wickedness in high places. [Eph 6]
I must cast down the thoughts of defeat. The Lord is my defense. Even when He does not act right away (immediately), His timing is always perfect. I must remember that Jesus, my Yeshua, is my hope - Christ in me, the hope of glory.
Ah Lord, forgive me as I forgive others who have trespassed against me.
Another Day
Caught in a whirlpool, yet not being sucked down. Instead, the churning waters keep me in a continuum of endless expectancy; hope teasing me from the sidelines, taunting me to find strength to escape.
I cry out to God, wondering how or why this all occurred. Was I deceived? God, Father of all who call upon Jesus Messiah, please guide me away from deception and seducing spirits. Please expose the wolves in sheep's clothing before they manage to bite or tear into me.
I pray to be able to discern between waywardness and those who have evil intent and impure motives. If I fail to discern now (who to trust and who not to trust), whatever will I do in the darker days ahead, if you allow me to live through it?
Ah Lord, how have I glorified you? Depression sinks its hooked talons into me. One by one, I pluck them out, yet they snap back into me as if positioned on a loaded spring.
Praise! Put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. That, in itself, is not only a challenge, but a battle. I have found that when I begin with thanksgiving, praise follows automatically. [Enter into the gates with thanksgiving and into the courts with praise.]
Encouragement Comes
Your heart aches, but soon it will soar. Remember what is written.
Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. [Is 40:31]
Put into practice the things you have learned. Remember the ancient paths and walk therein. Pray with others and show forth love. Pray for others; walk in humility and forgiveness. I will take you step by step as I have been. Wait upon Me - wait, I say, upon My timing.
New Day
Distractions - a flurry of activities. Times of silence are as welcome as a downpour after a long, blistering drought. Solitude has been a foreigner. Yet it does make its appearance briefly, after the chaotic waves of frenzy have first beat upon the shores.
Whoever said "silence is golden", obviously learned to appreciate it after experiencing turbulent times. Perhaps it was war time, whether physical or spiritual, yet ironically, few (even some followers of Christ) know little of spiritual warfare and many even deny we have an adversary. It's astounding!
Warfare can be as simple as a prayer (a single shot, similar to the stone in David's slingshot), combined with the sword (the Word of the Lord), cutting off the head of the giant.
Continued Journal
There is much to be grateful for - a safe place, a roof over my head, food in my belly...yet negative forces intrude and the battle of flesh versus spirit reigns. Ah Lord, will I ever pass this test?
Another Day
My soul wearies at the hardships of life, yet every day there arises reasons to be grateful. Every day, the challenge to look to God through His beautiful Son Jesus Christ stands boldly before me.
Then, a whispering, "Do you dare to yet hope, despite all that has come against you? Yes, I still speak in the darkness. I speak at unexpected times, in the still of silence."
I answered: Lord, in ways I have failed you, and bitterness tries desperately to take root in my soul, but I want none of it. I long to forgive, but betrayal and lies anger me. How did I not see it?
How will I do in the darkness that is now here and the grosser darkness that quickly is descending, to envelope the entire earth?
God's answer: Peace, be still. I shall yet use you as a vessel unto honour. Before destruction, the heart of man is haughty, but before honour is humility. [Prov 10:12] Do not forget this.
Heartfelt reply: O Lord - Abba, if I could learn to walk in true humility as [Your Son] Jesus, but as He did, to also walk in the boldness of wisdom, the strength of truth and integrity and the endurance of a mighty warrior such as Christ.
Lord's answer: Patience just a little longer. Be still and be patient. Trust! When all seems hopeless, there is yet hope hiding behind the clouds of darkness like the sun on a stormy day.
In the battles of the flesh, I AM still God, and nothing is too hard for Me. Who turned the heart of Pharaoh to let My people go? Who brought madness upon a Nebuchadnezzar when pride lifted him high?
Who allowed Job to be tried and stretched to the maximum? Who tested the faith of Abraham to the point where he had the knife raised in the air, ready to end the life of his son of promise?
Who restored double to Job after he was tried and after he repented of his self-righteousness and doubting questions, demanding that I explain Myself? Who stayed the hand of Abraham through a messenger (an angel) and ended the trial of his faith?
Yes indeed, I can stop the orbit of the earth. I can move the sun ten degrees forward or backward. I can cause a donkey to speak in the language of a man. I can cause water to pour forth from a rock in a time of need, or cause a coin of value to appear in the mouth of a fish to pay the tax collector.
Nothing is impossible or too hard for the Creator of all the heavens, the earth and all that is contained therein. Nothing!
When all seems against you, remember that I AM still Sovereign. I own the cattle on a thousand hills. I move on the hearts of mankind and I can still calm the wild seas.
Some claim that I do not intervene enough. Others claim that I do not intervene at all, and there are few who give Me glory in all things. There are the few who see My hand, yet who searches to see My face?
There are the precious few who search for My face to learn more of Me and who I am, and not always seek My hand to see what I will perform, or merely what I will give.
Indeed many are called, but few are chosen. I promised that I would never leave or forsake you. Wait upon Me as you continue to learn the ways I work. I have not led you astray nor have I allowed you to be deceived.
Walk in integrity and diplomacy. Walk in love; walk in the Light and speak life. Lo, I am with you, even to the end of the world. Selah
(End of excerpts from journal)
Final Note
He has not given me more regarding the matter at this time. I must accept that... and I do, but if He does impress more upon me, I will share it, but only if and when. We must keep in prayer and ever close to our Lord.
There is a second part to this article which hopefully will be posted tomorrow.
It is a time of purifying, a time of cleansing. He will have a people ready to do His will, and to walk in His will, in love and obedience. May He grant wisdom, strength and courage to every reader. May He answer your deepest and most pressing prayers quickly, for your sake, but always...
for His glory
Bonita dovesofthevalleys4@gmail.com