Sons of God Are Manifesting

May 26, 2012 – 5.26.2012 – 10:01am

Sons of God are Manifesting

I have wanted to get this posted, but I had to post the last entry in my testimony first.  The timing is always the Lord’s!  A dear friend of mine and I were conversing the day before yesterday.  

As we were sharing things about the times we are in, we both were amazed that we each had gone through something recently that was identical, including the time that the incident occurred.  This is not happenstance.  

This sister in Christ is younger than I am.  She is 32 years old, yet we both have had children.  Both of us were minding our own business, involved in things at the time, when suddenly great pains came upon our abdomens.  

The pain was sharp and caught our breath away.  It felt as though it were contractions, as a woman experiences when she is going into labor.  The pain repeated itself.  Afterwards, we were wondering what the heck just happened because neither of us are with child. 

As we conversed more, sharing what happened to us, we confirmed the timing of this with each other.  We were both amazed that we could only describe it as birth pains (labor).  The suddenness, the intensity and the pain of it was very real.  

Both of us could only describe it as birth pains.  Our mutual conclusion is that the sons of God are indeed manifesting.  Although this sister is ‘hoping’ that the men of God rise up soon, I assured her that indeed, the true men of God are rising up. (my love to you, sister in Christ, L.F. in Pennsylvania)

The women who love God and respect His proper order of things have been praying for a long time that the true men of God would rise up.  Christ is over the man and the man is over the woman. 
 
This is the Lord’s proper order of things.  Man was not made for the woman, but the woman was made as a helpmate for the man.  Just as man was not made for the Sabbath, but the Sabbath was made for man.

In this, I am confident, that the sons of God are manifesting!  I am just as sure that what we both experienced was not happenstance nor have we gone over the edge, over the deep end.  All our faculties are fine, yet the Lord (who knows all things and knew we would be conversing) has chosen to reveal that His sons are manifesting.  I believe that most of us who are pressing in are well aware of this.

Small planes like a Cessna.  On an angle just like this, but more side by side, wing-span apart.

Today when I was outside, I saw three planes the size of a Cessna.  They were in close battle formation.  They were not the color of army planes though.

There were two that were green, but one was a bright neon green, the second was a bright yellow and the third was a dark grass green.  The formation caught my eye.  

Also, yesterday, I saw a helicopter (army) that was not on the usual flight path.  (I live about fifteen minutes from a busy small town airport.)

This type of close formation, but a little further apart...

The house I live in is off a well-travelled, two lane country highway.  It is the main road between two country towns.  The army helicopter was travelling parallel to the highway, as if patrolling or surveying.  I have lived here now for just shy of 16 months and am well aware of air traffic, what is normal and what is out of the ordinary.  

The colors of the planes and the close formation of the aircraft were out of the ordinary, as was the helicopter travelling contrary to standard flight paths.  I do not go looking for things out of the ordinary, but I notice when they are.  

We are not to fear (we all know this), but we are to be aware of what is going on around us, just as the Lord’s people, written about in Holy Scripture, knew what was going on around them in their lifetime.

I know that I have been praying for a very long time (as well as other sisters in Christ) for the manifestation of the sons of God, as well as for the true men of God to rise up and take their proper places.  

Not in tyranny, self-righteousness, pride or arrogance, but as humble, obedient warriors who have walked and continue to walk in the footsteps of Christ Y’shua, our Messiah and King (our Savior). 

Youth are praying for Yhwh's order of things to manifest also.  Youth desire the true men of Yhwh/God arise now!  These men have been broken and have learned obedience, just as our Christ learned obedience through the things that He suffered.  They put Yhwh first in their lives.  

They are strong, yet gentle; weak, yet strong, merciful yet demand justice and humble, yet confident.  They follow after the orders of the King obediently, knowing that their victory in overcoming is by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony; and they love not their life unto death.

I stumbled across the words of a hymn, which seem appropriate for this article.

Rise Up, O Men of God!

Rise up, O men of God!

Have done with lesser things.

Give heart and soul and mind and strength

To serve the King of kings.

Rise up, O men of God,

In one united throng.

Bring in the day of brotherhood

And end the night of wrong.

Rise up, O men of God!

The church for you does wait,

Her strength unequal to her task;

Rise up, and make her great!

Rise up, O men of God!

Lift high the cross of Christ!

Tread where His feet have trod.

As brothers of the Son of Man,

Rise up, O men of God!

Text: William P. Merrill, 1867-1954
Music: William H. Walter, 1825-1893 

Birth Pains have Begun

Be in pain and travail, for that which must come will come.  Yea indeed, the sons of Mine (Yhwh) (God) are manifesting.  I AM telling My people not to fear.  

Those who have been pressing in, crying out in their spirit about what to do and have not yet heard, I say to you, Be patient just a little longer.

Many of My people have been preparing in ways that I have shown them.  Know that this is not in vain.  Those who are waiting to hear, I urge you again to wait patiently.  

I have not forgotten you nor am I deaf to your prayers.  I go ahead of My people always to prepare things.  You do not see all that I AM doing, nor do you know My thoughts or My ways.  Thus it is written, so it is true.

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.   

[Is 55:9]

For all those things has My hand made, and all those things have been, saith the LORD: but to this man will I look, even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit, and trembles at My word. [Is 66:2]

Great evil has arisen and shall come against My people.  Many will be violently shaken and hurt, but I AM He who sees all.  Do not fear for I shall yet comfort My people, who cry out to Me.  

There are those who cry out as My Son did upon the cross, and who cry as did Stephen when he was being stoned, ‘Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.’    

Such as these shall I gather to My bosom; these shall I bring forth to do greater works; these shall yet know justice and be shown mercy, as they have shown mercy.   

Be not deceived; I AM not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he reap also.  [Gal 6:7] 

 

Yea, but be on guard, for those who come against you may well be those in your own household.  

For it is written, And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.  [Mat 1-:21]

That which must come upon this nation first and all the nations of the world afterward shall commence shortly, for great evil is moving stealthily.  

Soon it shall reveal itself in all pride and haughtiness.  

I say to those who are pressing in to Me, who pick up their cross daily and who obey My commandments, fear not.   

I have delayed and I shall delay only a short time more, yet continue on in the ways that I have been leading.  Faith and trust opposes fear and doubt.  Patience; I am in control.  Nothing escapes Me.

The birth pangs are real.  It shall not be stopped, for now is the time.  Do not fear those who do evil.  Look to Me, for I AM with you.  Be still.  Be still.  I AM Yhwh.

I also will choose their delusions, and will bring their fears upon them; because when I called, none did answer; when I spoke, they did not hear: 
but they did evil before My eyes, and chose that in which I delighted not. 

Hear the word of the LORD, ye that tremble at His word; Your brethren that hated you, that cast you out for My name's sake, said, 

Let the LORD be glorified: but He shall appear to your joy, and they shall be ashamed.

A voice of noise from the city, a voice from the temple, a voice of the LORD that renders recompence to His enemies. 

Before she travailed, she brought forth; before her pain came, she was delivered of a man child.

Who has heard such a thing? who has seen such things? Shall the earth be made to bring forth in one day? or shall a nation be born at once? for as soon as Zion travailed, she brought forth her children. 

Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? Says the LORD: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? says thy Yhwh/God. [Is 66:4-9]

I AM separating now also.  The threshing has begun.  Rejoice and fear not, for all is in My hands.  Many of My people are fearful over that which is to come, but I say to you, rest in Me.  

The time of travailing and threshing is upon you.  Rejoice and trust!  Through your laboring, you shall bring forth.  In this, shall I be glorified.

  And I will make her that halted a remnant, and her that was cast far off a strong nation: 

and the LORD shall reign over them in mount Zion from henceforth, even for ever. 

And you, O tower of the flock, the strong hold of the daughter of Zion, unto thee shall it come, even the first dominion; the kingdom shall come to the daughter of Jerusalem.

Now why do you cry out aloud? is there no king in thee? is thy counsellor perished? for pangs have taken thee as a woman in travail. 

Be in pain, and labour to bring forth, O daughter of Zion, like a woman in travail: for now shall you go forth out of the city, 

and you shall dwell in the field, and you shall go even to Babylon; there shall you be delivered; 

there the LORD shall redeem thee from the hand of your enemies.

Now also many nations are gathered against you, that say, Let her be defiled, and let our eye look upon Zion.

But they know not the thoughts of the LORD, neither understand they His counsel: for He shall gather them as the sheaves into the floor.

Arise and thresh, O daughter of Zion: for I will make your horn iron, and I will make your hoofs brass: and you shall beat in pieces many people: 

and I will consecrate their gain unto the LORD, and their substance unto the Lord of the whole earth.  [Micah 4:7-13]

thresh - v. , threshed , threshing , threshes . v.tr. To beat the stems and husks of (grain or cereal plants) with a machine or flail to separate the grains.  (separating the wheat from the chaff)

chaff - n., the seed coverings and other debris separated from the seed in threshing grain such as wheat

Brethren, it is time to arise and thresh, for the Lord our God (Yhwh Elohim) is with us!  Selah

There is a key for those of us, who are His, that are going into the wilderness.  That key is Y'shua...Jesus the Christ, our Messiah.  Hold fast to the key and endure to the end!

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. 

The Spirit itself bears witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: [Rom 8:15, 16]

for His glory

BC Petroff     dovesofthevalleys4@gmail.com 

Addendum: Lyndon Azcuna of Awana Lifeline has a prison ministry and emphasizes the importance of a father's role, particularly a father who walks in Y'shua's (Jesus Christ) steps.  http://awanalifeline.org/#/about-us/from-our-director

Another addendum:  RE: A dream 

Two nights ago, I had a dream, if you can call it that.  All I saw were two men dressed entirely in camouflage uniform.  Both were armed and both had helmets, which were dark green (the camouflage was various greens, black etc).  The soldiers were at my back door.

There are four steps that lead up to the door.  They were on the top step looking in the windows.  The house was empty.  I had gone.

Brethren, the Lord is revealing the time we are in, how close all of this is upon us.  Please seek the Lord in prayer right now.  Ask Him for direction and wait for His instructions.

shalom in Y'shua
Bonita

First the Inside of the Cup - Part 24

May 23, 2012 – [5.23.2012] – 11:30 am

First the Inside of the Cup – Part 24

Death’s Jaws

The trip to Calgary went well; the children were no trouble; as usual.  The day before the funeral, I had a headache like I had never experienced before.  No aspirin or Tylenol would address it.  Finally, I went to the hospital to seek relief.  For whatever reason, the medical staff kept me in a darkened room for two grueling hours with no medication.   

I begged for medicine to help my head, which felt like it was being crushed in.  None came.  Two hours later, I went into the hall, begging for help with tears.  It felt like I was dying.  A doctor behind the counter looked at my chart.  He ordered the nurse to administer a shot.  

When the nurse injected me, it seemed like only moments before the pain subsided, almost as if there had never been any pain at all.  It was difficult to even fathom that only seconds before; it felt like death had my head in its fierce jaws.  Desiring to return to the children, as well as seeing that it was already early evening, I called a taxi and left.

Isabel’s three sons (one of which had been adopted by her), as well as her foster daughter, her husband and son were there.  Grief and mourning hung thickly in the atmosphere.  I am unsure now what it was about, but Wallace started disciplining the ten year old son of Isabel’s foster daughter.  He was completely out of line (drunk) and I told him so.  When the others chimed telling Wallace that it was not his place to discipline, he backed off.

Farewell Bonnie (Beautiful) Isabel 

I had a single red rose, along with a note that said: ‘I will always love you as a mother - love, your bonnie lassie’. (In Scotland, bonnie or bonny means pretty or beautiful.  In French or Latin, ‘bon’ means good.)  When we arrived at the funeral home, everyone was paying their respects by spending a few moments at the casket, which was open.  Isabel looked so thin.  She had lost weight since I had seen her last in Calgary.  

It was at that point that I realized that she must have been quite sick when I last spoke to her, which would explain why she did not talk long.  I wanted to touch her, but I would not.  By her heart, I placed the single rose and note, so that it would be with her when they closed the casket and buried her.

There were more people there than I had expected.  Isabel had touched many lives when she was alive.  The priest who used to visit her was there.  I sat up front, just behind her sons, foster daughter and family.  Her ex-husband was there with his wife.  Isabel’s husband had left her after 28 years to be with her best friend.   

It had hurt her so much, yet years passed and she was still welcoming them both in her home for tea.  I cannot remember the service really.  I only remember the flowers that said, ‘Mom’ and ‘Mother’.  A few loud sobs escaped me before I regained composure.

We went to the cemetery, where the priest said more words and I watched them lower the casket into the ground.  We each took turns throwing a handful of dirt upon the casket, as we said our goodbyes to our beloved Isabel.  There was a reception afterwards, which we attended briefly.   

It surprised me how people were laughing and appearing jovial, when only a short time before, there were tears.  We headed for BC shortly afterwards.  I knew that I would never see Isabel’s family again, especially after the run-in they had with Wallace.

First Shelter

Between my grieving and Wallace’s drinking, coupled with the needs of two young children, tension escalated into violence again.  I left to go to a shelter with the two children.  After a couple of days, I went apartment hunting and found an inexpensive two bedroom in Coquitlam.   

The manager of the apartment was a transgender person (male in the process of becoming female and dressed as female).  The apartment the manager showed me was on the ground floor.  It was the only one with two doors; one in the main hallway and one in the apartment that went directly outside.

Apparently a biker lived there before and had parked his motorcycle in the living room.  There was a large oil stain on the carpet.  The sink was plugged and filled with water and there was a pile of broken drywall and wood on the floor, from the repair of a damaged wall.  The stove was filthy, as was the washroom.  All the carpeting needed vacuuming and shampooing.  The manager assured me that everything would be done in a few days, before I moved in.

It was with reluctance that I gave a down payment towards rent, but there was not much available that I could afford.  Again, as the manager filled out a receipt, the promise was given that the place would be in shape.  I said that it must be because of the children.  The manager was so feminine that he/she made me feel masculine.  

A Vivid Message

On move-in day, my heart sank when I saw the apartment.  Nothing had been done, except the removal of the pile of drywall and wood debris from the kitchen.  The sink was still plugged; carpets still a mess and the stove and washroom were still filthy.  When I opened the fridge, a foul smell met me, as the refrigerator had been shut off.  

Written in black marker was a very vivid message.  Penned in marker ink was an arrow pointing downward, with the words: “Here’s your f’n rent!”  Someone had urinated in the fridge.

Holding the baby and taking Josie by the hand, I went to the manager’s apartment.  She (he) simply stated that she had been so busy, it was overlooked.  I borrowed the vacuum and some cleaning agents, asking for a deduction on rent, but I was told that a deduction was not possible.  I was not pleased, to say the least.   

I put the children on clean blankets in the bedroom and used boxes to block the entrance to keep them out of the filth, whilst I cleaned.  I left the door open, so I could hear them.  I asked Josie to color mama a picture and gave a bottle to Sarah.

The manager sent a plumber to look after the sink, which was unplugged in less than ten minutes.  I was grateful for that.  I poured bleach and scoured it.  Next I tackled the washroom, so that it would be clean for Josie for a bath and nature calls.  The fridge was next.  I used gloves, but it was the idea of it all that disgusted me.   

After I removed the urine, I also bleached down the insides.  Then I used a fresh cloth and warm, soapy water.  The stove was also a challenge, as were the cupboards, but I got it done.  Now I could prepare food and make fresh formula for Josie and Sarah.

After I vacuumed and returned everything to the manager, I determined that I would not stay long in the apartment.  The building was noisy and unclean, with people coming and going.  I sensed that it was not a good environment for children.  I called the shelter and spoke to staff, mentioning the condition of the apartment when I moved in.  I was told that we could come back to the shelter until I found something more appropriate.

All Things Work Together for Good

For a week I stayed at the apartment, but when I went on a walk with the children, I found that there were no stores nearby for shopping, nor were there any parks.  Within a week, I returned to the shelter, which was in Coquitlam.  At least the next tenant would start with a clean apartment, except the carpets of course.  I had not shampooed them, only vacuumed. It seemed that my steps were ordered because the timing was perfect for a golden opportunity.

A Baptist organization had built brand-new two level townhouses, complete with a carport, for parents with children who had a low income.  The staff said that there were only two townhouses available, as all the rest had been filled.  Mothers in shelters were given priority, but I had to move fast, staff had said.  A call was placed to the manager of the complex early morning, with an invitation to come that day, if possible.

The Satellite had been sold and I purchased a big old blue boat, a ’79 Pontiac Parisienne for $400.  The plates, insurance and registration were in my name, since Wallace could not drive.  I drove to Maple Ridge to meet the manager, Christine, who was a warm and friendly Christian woman in her early 40s.  She said that she would show me the two bedroom townhouse, which was the last one of that size left, to see if I would like it.  The other units left were for larger families.  It was more than I expected.

This is the actual townhouse in Maple Ridge...very nice units!

Only one person had lived there before me for a few months.  Outside of that, it was brand new.  Just past the main corridor was the kitchen on the right, a laundry room (with hookups only) and a half-bath (toilet and sink).  Then there was a dining room and living room, with large windows and a sliding glass door, which opened up to a small yard. 

Backyard of the unit, separated by a partition.

Upstairs were a large master bedroom, medium size second bedroom, a full size bathroom and a linen closet.  The carpets were clean and as new and the walls were freshly painted.  The clean appliances were new.

A window was above my kitchen sink.  Slightly different arrangement, but almost identical.

Christine wondered if I liked it.  I laughed and asked how soon I could move in, to which she replied, “As soon as you like.”  I had asked Josie, who was now almost four and a half what she thought and naturally, she liked it.  The townhouses had been built in a semi-circle.  Behind the building that held the office was a small park with a swing set, slides and sandbox.  It was ideal.  

Being Drawn by the Lord

It was easy to settle in with a clean place.  Cupboards, drawers and appliances just needed a quick wipe.  Josie liked it and wanted to go to the park, but I would only let her go if I went with her.  I still did not know my neighbors, but that would soon change.  Christine spent the days in the office and could see the play area through the sliding glass doors in her office.  She lived in the complex with her husband and two sons, the youngest being around Josie’s age.

She would sit outside sometimes when she was not busy, leaving the door open so that she could hear the phones.  She would speak to me about the Lord sometimes because I had told her that I believe in God and Jesus.  After conversing with me several times and hearing about what led me to the low income housing, she wondered if I had ever had counseling.  

I mentioned the rehab centre and what a good experience that had been for me.  She thought perhaps I could use more counseling and asked if I would be open to seeing a Christian counselor.  Without hesitation, I decidedly answered positively.  That is how I met *Myla, who was a glowing vessel of honor in the hands of God.

There were many resources available through the office at the Baptist housing, including trustworthy babysitters.  I took advantage of this resource to begin Christian counseling.  The agency charged on a sliding scale, according to income.  My resources were very minimal and with two young children, it did not seem as though I would be able to attend any sessions with Myla.  

A meeting was held between the head people at the agency and they unanimously agreed to waive charges for me.  I was taken aback.  When I thanked Myla and said that I could barely believe it, she quickly stated, “The Lord wants to help you.”  I remembered those words.  We did not speak about anything of my history for the first meeting, but she did want to know if I knew Christ Jesus.  I told her that I believed and that I know Jesus had helped me in certain situations in life.  

She wondered if I had asked Jesus to be Lord of my life, if I had repented, if I was sorrowful for my sins.  I had not, so she said that she would discuss more with me the next visit, if I was interested.  We made an appointment.  She suggested that I look at some of the many books they have in the front office along the wall.  She said there are many books that might interest me.  I thanked her and left, without looking at the books on the wall.

Love Thy Neighbor

I began to meet my neighbors.  I was on an end unit, just before a wooded area.  There was a sidewalk that went through the wooded area, as it was part of a town park, which children used as a shortcut to school.  On the left of my townhouse was a single mother with a boy of about 20 months.  We met, but never became close, as she went to school, worked and was rarely home.  Nice woman, though.

Most of the people that lived in the complex were families with three or four children.  Some were single mothers as I was, but the vast majority was families.  Only a few of the families were believers.  The manager was a married woman with two young boys, ages two and five.   

She was a Baptist, attending the church of that denomination in town.  Christine and I were becoming good friends.  She was a caring woman, who loved the Lord and people.  Her desire had always been to be a counselor, but the career was put on a shelf when her first child came along.

Just beyond my carport was the main driveway that looped around to the townhouses that were built along the right end of the semi-circle.  When I did my dishes, I could see the first townhouse on that part of the semi-circle.  A woman named Linda lived there with her husband and three children.  We became good friends.  

She was a believer, a Baptist, but her and her husband believed in things that her church did not believe in, such as speaking in tongues and the other gifts of the Holy Spirit.  One of our first conversations pertained to my living in Maple Ridge before for approximately six to eight months.  When the subject of church came up, I told her that I did not attend church, but that the last church I did attend kicked me out, right there in Maple Ridge.

She laughed and thought that I was joking, but I told her that I was not.  I said that I went after having been badly beaten up by my husband.  (I did tell her that we were not married at the time.)  I went on to mention how I had a couple of stiff drinks to give me courage before I hitchhiked to Maple Ridge to seek help at the church, but I was quiet and not in a drunken state, which was true.  I explained all that happened (as was previously mentioned in this testimony).  Then Linda told me something that rather shocked me.

With Truth Comes Understanding

Linda and her husband heard about the church that I attended (Maple Ridge was a small town back then).  A few months after I had been kicked out, the pastor, who was a married man with four sons, had been caught in an adulterous relationship with his secretary (the woman who was married and travelled with her husband at times as missionaries).  When the affair was discovered, the pastor was removed from the church and all the sheep had scattered.

Linda did not know the pastor, but the topic had come up in a sermon at her church.  Her pastor had been preaching about how all of us can fall into sin, even leaders with ministries.  The pastor’s sin cost him his marriage, his family, his church and his ministry.  

I asked if she knew where the pastor went to.  Linda mentioned the town, which was not that far away, but stated that she only had heard that he had started a church there.  She was not 100% sure if he actually had.  The topic got around to the prosperity gospel, as well as name-it and claim-it.  I told her my experience with the job for an apartment manager, which offered a lovely apartment and a small monthly wage.  

I explained my ‘faith in action’, which included putting in a notice to the manager of the apartment I was in.  I told her that I did not believe in it and she actually agreed, sharing with me some of her own ‘failed’ experiences.  (Today, I can thank the Lord alone for the lesson that He taught me immediately upon the first hard lesson.)  

We also talked about materialism and how so many put possessions even above their families.  It was not something I liked.  I also knew that I wanted help because I did not want to be a bad person.  It is why I had agreed so quickly to counseling.  I needed help, and still hoped against hope.  There was a part of me deep inside that wanted to see Jesus again.

Learning about Forgiveness

When I was in the waiting room at Myla’s office, I decided to glance over the books.  I picked up a book about satan called ‘The Adversary’ by Mark Bubeck and leafed through it.  Placing it back upon the shelf, I decided that when I had enough money, I would buy it.  With Myla, I spoke about my childhood and the kidnapping.  She spoke about forgiveness and the importance of forgiving, especially if we desire to be forgiven.  

She gave me examples from her own life and urged me to begin to forgive people.  Myla knelt down beside me and prayed for me at the end of the session.  I cannot remember what she prayed, but I remember that she knelt down.  I had never seen anyone do that, outside of when we had to kneel at mass.  It was going to be an example that I would follow, but I had no idea of knowing that at the time.

When I got home, I took the kids to the park in the complex.  Whilst they played, I thought about forgiveness and the pastor that had thrown me out of church came to mind.  The next day I called information, giving the pastor’s name and asked if his name was listed for any church.  She gave me a number for a Pastor G.  

When I called the number, the pastor that had put me out of the church answered the phone.   Even though he did not remember me, we set up an appointment to talk.  I had said that he probably would remember me if he saw me.  He said many people came and went through the doors of the church, but yes, he felt perhaps he would remember me when he saw me.

The First Major Step towards Forgiveness

Myla and I had counseling sessions for a couple of months, typically once a week for an hour at a time.  She would counsel me using the bible, pointing out scriptures that pertained to our conversation.  There was much focus on accepting the love of Jesus, the promises of God, forgiveness and the enemy (adversary) satan and his demons.   

I had purchased the book, ‘The Adversary’.  When I got back to the complex, Christine mentioned a Women’s Retreat that was coming up and told me the cost.  She explained to me what a women’s retreat was, which sounded interesting, but I told her that I could not afford the $150 charge.  The cost covered all meals, snacks and accommodation for two whole days, which was fair, but I simply could not afford it.  I did thank her for considering me.

I had to take a car ferry in order to reach the town where the pastor was that had thrown me out of his church.  I brought my children with me.  He smiled when he saw me, but I sensed that he did not remember me, so I asked him.  He said that I looked vaguely familiar.  I laughed.

As he sat down, I said that maybe I could help him remember, explaining that I was the one that he physically removed from the church.  He laughed and said, “I threw a lot of people out!”  That response shocked me, as I remembered how I felt like God Himself had rejected me.  I did not mention that fact to him, but asked why he threw people out and he just said for ‘various reasons’.  I knew now that he truly did not remember me.  

I informed him that I had not attended the church long, but a handful of times over the course of two or three months.  He told me that he was no longer pastor at the church and I stated that I had heard.  He said that his wife forgave him and that their marriage was restored.  He added that he had not left with much money, only $50,000, which he used to begin a construction business.  

My head swam as I thought, ‘Not much money?  Fifty thousand dollars is a lot of money!’  I did not verbalize my thoughts, but remember wondering just how much money was he used to receiving, if he thought 50 grand was not much.  I also remembered the Thunderbird that he had been so proud of.  No wonder he could afford that classic!

He went on to say that he had begun a new church.   

The congregation was not large, but it was slowly building.  He began to say that he was holding a barbeque at his new home and had invited some of the members of his old congregation to attend.  He caught himself, I suppose as he realized that I would not be invited.  I acted like I did not catch it, but simply said that I was glad that he had a new church and things were working out for him.

I told him that I had come to forgive him for throwing me out of the church and that I would not hold it against him.  I meant it.  He laughed and said that he was sorry if he had thrown me out, but simply could not remember why he had.  I told him that when he did that, I thought that God Himself was rejecting me.   

He laughed and said, “That wasn’t God.  That was me having a bad day and a hot temper.”   I began to stand up, but as I did I mentioned that the Lord would work things out for him.  He said that he had prophecies that said that the Lord would again say, ‘Well done good and faithful servant!’ 

Revelatory Understanding

On the drive home, I was thinking about what had transpired, even though our visit was not very long.  It seemed rather surprising to me that pastor did not remember throwing me (in particular) out of his church, yet the guilt, rejection and guilt of that action haunted me for almost six years.  I would never know what prompted him to do such a thing, since he could not recall the incident or me.

I learned that what is earth-shattering or pivotal to one person may mean absolutely nothing to another person.  To me, the event was a devastating blow that haunted me for years.  To me, a pastor, a godly man had thrown me off of the holy premises. 

Imagine!  Yet to the pastor, it was nothing but a common occurrence that was soon forgotten.  To me, it was the day that God had turned His back on me and made it clear that He rejected me.  To the pastor, I was just someone who (along with many others) got under his skin and had to be removed.

As I pondered some things whilst driving, I suddenly had a revelatory understanding about another occurrence in the same pastor’s church.  The first time that the Lord had spoken through me, He had spoken of being unequally yoked, common-law relationships and fleeing fornication.  The pastor had stated: ‘That was a false prophetic word.  God does not condemn.  That word was not of God and you are to disregard it!’ 

I did not know the difference between condemnation and conviction at the time, but I came to understand it, thanks to Myla and reading the bible.  Personally, I had been convicted because that word caused me to see that living as man and wife with Wallace, knowing that he did not want to marry me meant that I was fornicating, so I moved.  Yet the prophetic word was given at the time that the pastor was involved in an adulterous relationship with his secretary.

That was why he had said that God does not condemn.  He had actually been convicted when the Lord said to ‘flee fornication’.  The woman that he was involved with was also at that church service.  The understanding of how critical the timing was of that word from the Lord amazed me.  It had been a word from the Lord, but the pastor had been so heavily convicted that he said it was a false prophetic word, that was not of God.

Understanding why the pastor had condemned the word the Lord had me speak, coupled with the fact that God had not rejected me that day from the church lifted a burden from me that I had not realized was upon me.  I chuckled out loud at the freedom.  Josie asked me what was funny and I just told her that mama was happy, which made her giggle.

Paid in Full

Christine motioned to me one day as I drove into the complex.  I nodded, parked at home and went over to her office with the children.  She was quite excited as she told me that someone, who chose to remain anonymous, had paid all my expenses if I wanted to go to the women’s retreat.  She also told me that the cost of a babysitter was covered as well.  I was reluctant to leave the children with anyone, although Sarah was just shy of two years old and Josie was five and a half.

Christine says she knew a girl who was 18 years old, who was a great babysitter.  Her parents were not far away if she had any problems.  She assured me all would be well, adding that the Lord must want me to go to the retreat if He saw fit to have my way paid.  I could hardly believe the kindness!  All I could do was say thank you and graciously accept. 

There was one more surprise that Christine had in store for me.  Apparently, all rooms were booked with two people.  It turned out that my roommate was going to none other than Myla.  I was overjoyed.  In my mind, I could think of no better roommate than my counselor.   

Was it possible that things were turning around in my life?  Was it possible that I could actually be happy?  I gave Christine a hug, as I accepted the phone number for the young girl who was willing to babysit.  I wanted to meet her and have her meet the children and take it from there.

Gravesite of Keith Green and his two babies.

Linda, from across the way, dropped by to give me a couple of cassettes of Keith Green.  She told me that he had been dead for quite some time, but that he had been a Christian musician who wrote songs with controversial lyrics.  She said that he was ‘ahead of his time’.  

She also gave me a vacuum and a picture of a beach and footprints, along with a poem.  I told her that I had a vacuum, but she said that she got a new one, so she did not need it anymore.  She felt that it was still in good condition and wanted me to have it.  I thanked her.

The poem was called ‘Footprints in the Sand’.  It was written in 1934 by a woman named Mary Stevenson, but apparently the poem had become quite famous amongst Christians.

Footprints in the Sand – Mary Stevenson

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.        Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.   

                

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.                        

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints.   

        

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.    

         

So I said to the Lord, "You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.  

But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.                                            

Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?"                                    

The Lord replied, "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, is when I carried you." 

                    Mary Stevenson

To me, it was a lovely piece and I hung where it could be seen upon entering my home.  I had a picture of a white horse running past a waterfall, with a rainbow above it.  Linda mentioned how much she liked that picture a few times when she visited.  As a way to thank her, I took the picture down and gave it to her. 

 

She protested at first, saying that she did not say she liked it so she could have it, but I assured her that I wanted her to have it.  She graciously accepted it with thanksgiving.  I was beginning to learn about how good God is and how He works through people.

The Battle Within

I was confused about many things, including where I stood with God.  One time in Myla’s office, I broke down and wept because I really wanted Jesus in my life, but I just did not know how to go about it.  The guilt and shame of my many sins were dragging me down also.  How could Jesus possibly love me, after all I had sinned?

Part of me wanted to run with Jesus and part of me was not sure if that was the way I wanted to walk.  Although I was reading the bible more, I still did not read it faithfully.  There was much of it that I could not understand either, plus the interest to read it was not very strong.  When I got to ‘so and so’ begat ‘so and so’, who begat ‘so and so’, who begat ‘so and so’, I had to stop.  

How was I going to remember all those names?  One of the reasons I could not do the nursing course was because I could not remember the names of various important parts of the body.  If I had to learn all those names in the bible and remember who begat who, I was in deep trouble!

However, there were other scriptures that were difficult for me to understand also, although the amplified version helped.  It just seemed that the hunger or passion for the word was not there and that troubled me because everyone was saying that I should keep reading the bible.

It just seemed like there was a battle going on within me, pulling me in two different directions.  I loved listening to people talk about God and Jesus, but it just seemed like God was so far from me.  I wondered if He even heard me at times.  Sometimes I would read the story of the Wild Horses, but it almost did not seem to relate to me anymore.  Still, I kept the story because I liked it.  

I was looking forward to the retreat, which was fast approaching.  I wondered what it would be like.  As much as I loved my babies, it was going to be good to have a break from them.  I had not gone out without them, except to go to counseling and other business matters.  However, this retreat was going to be fun.  I was looking forward to it, but I really did not know why.

for His glory

BC Petroff      dovesofthevalleys4@gmail.com